


Angel of Darkness

by wish_i_was_a_dalek



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Angel Wings, BDSM, Bullying, But only in Chapter 2, Coming Untouched, Cutting, Dark, Depression, Dom/sub, Hearing Voices, Heavy BDSM, High School Student Dean, History Teacher Castiel, Kinda, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent/Child Incest, Phone Sex, Rape, Recreational Drug Use, Sam Had a Dog, Stabbing, Suicidal Thoughts, Teacher Castiel, Teacher-Student Relationship, The Twist and Shout references are the ony thing I'm sorry for in this entire fic, basically this is just a really fucked up fic, i guess, past bullying, seeing things that aren't there, smut in later chapters, so enjoy you fuckers:)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7004281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wish_i_was_a_dalek/pseuds/wish_i_was_a_dalek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school student Dean Winchester is finally a Junior. He just has to go through one more year and he will be free from his abusive mother, Jane. Dean is breaking into a million pieces, his life is falling apart, and he won't get through high school without a miracle.<br/>Dean finds himself bonding with his history teacher, Castiel, over an untimely death and a sad book. What could come from this surprisingly profound bond between a teacher and his student?  Will Cas be Dean's miracle?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is a Junior in High School. He has some very wonderful friends and a full pantry, what else could he need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry. Ok, I'm a little sorry. Like a tiny bit. Please know that the author regrets nothing but including Mrs. Choksondik. No smut yet, but there will be!

     Dean walks down the sidewalk, high as a damn kite. He knows he’s going to regret it soon enough, but some days in order to get up in the morning, he needs a little extra incentive, especially on bad days. This is a bad day.

     Also, being high in class is just FUN.

     So Dean walks to the bus stop trying not to laugh at every damn thing although he is sure he smells like cleaner and that is just HILARIOUS! Now comes Dean’s favorite part of the day, of any day; watching the elementary bus driver try to do a u-turn. The elementary school bus is this big, outdated thing that you can hear over a mile away. Dean meets some of his friends a close distance to the elementary school bus stop and watch the show, placing bets on how long it will take the bus to do a 180 or how much trouble the driver will have or if the bus driver will flip them off but really who are they kidding, the driver always flips them off.

     So Dean stops to lean on the wall and wait for his friends. First comes Crowley. When they were younger, Dean and Benny would joke that one day Crowley would be the Demon King. When Crowley heard them, the beta would just smile and say, “Yes, I will be.” That’s the kind of person Crowley is. If he sees a way to use you for his benefit, he will do it. (When they were pups, everyone thought Crowley would be an alpha, but life is funny sometimes.) He’s a little heartless, (Probably due to being raised by his bitchy mother) but,overall, Crowley is a great friend. When Dean sees a worried look on Crowley’s face when he approaches, Dean knows something’s wrong.

     “Uh, oh,” he says when he get close to Dean. “Getting high before classes again?”

     “Damn, you can tell?” Dean asks. He starts laughing. Then he forgets why that's funny.

     Crowley looks at his idiotic friend. “You smell like Mr. Clean.” Dean giggles.

     “Hey brothers.” When had Benny gotten here? Dean smiles at his alpha friend. “Woo, Dean, when did Mr. Clean move to town?”

     Dean smiles. “I like Mr. Clean. He has all the cleaners.”

     “Uh, oh. Here comes trouble.” At Benny’s words, the three turn to see the old piece of trash slowly roll up the street. “Ok, I got $20 on him getting a wheel stuck in that pothole over there.”

     “And I got him rolling into that ditch.” Both things that have happened before. Multiple times. Crowley points to the ditch on the side of the road.

     They both look at Dean. “I got him doing a perfect 180.” He shrugs when his friends make a face at him. “What? I’m in a good mood.”

     Sure enough, a tire gets stuck in the pothole. The trio watches as the bus driver, an old, balding man with a beer belly, gets out and curses at his tire, like it was the bus’s fault. Dean and Crowley dig through their wallets for the $20 they owe Benny. They walk away from the scene while the driver screams threats and curses at them.

~~~

     Upon arriving to school, the friends part to go to their classes. First and second period pass by without a hitch, but third period is history and from what Dean heard from Benny, their teacher, Mrs. Choksondik (wtf?), had a stroke and died. Yes, very sad, but honestly Dean couldn't care less. She was old, and her saggy, wrinkly boobs would always hang in a very unattractive way. Especially since she never wore a bra and all here shirts were see-through.

     Anyway, Benny said that their new teacher was a beauty, an alpha with dark, unruly hair and soft, blue eyes. "If I wasn't hetero, I would totally be all over him," he had said. Dean was both excited and nervous, this man sounded like just his type.

     One thing that Benny failed to mention was the dude's fucking VOICE. Seriously, this new guy, Castiel, had Dean almost drooling the entire period. With a deep, sexy voice and hair that gives the impression that he just had 10+ rounds of marathon sex, the man could be a porn star. The only thing holding him back from that amazing fate is his honestly TERRIBLE fashion taste. He's wearing a TRENCH COAT for fuck's sake. The suit and tie would look great if he just took off that fucking trench coat in the name of fuck, seriously.

     "I'm so very sorry about the death of your teacher, Mrs. Chokes On Dick," He frowns when the class giggles. "You should show her some respect. Her name may sound humorous, but one shouldn't speak ill of the dead." _Wow. Did he really just say that_ , Dean thinks. _Who even talks like that? "One shalt not..."_ his brain mocks this Castiel.

     Despite Castiel's weird choice of words, the guy is making pretty much everyone who is into guys swoon and drool. By the end of the class, Castiel has every girl wanting to be his and every guy wanting to be him. Well, that's not true. Dean wants to be his, too. Does that make him a girl?  _Oh, well. He's too hot for you, anyway._ The voice is surprisingly loud today. Dean looks around, but no one seems to hear it but him. _  
_

     Although this Castiel is honestly hot AF, the thing that's really driving Dean mad is the fact that Cas doesn't have wings. And everyone knows what that means...

~~~

     _Dean is a big pup, at only five years of age. His little brother, who's only three years old, is a small pup but will probably present as an alpha, given how he fights with the other pups at preschool._

_Dean walks into Mary's room. Mary is busy bandaging her left wing, making small noises at the pain. The normally white and fluffy wing has turned purple and bruised. Dean walks over and sits next to her on the bed._

_"Mommy," the small pup asks, "why does mommy Jane hit you?"_

_The omega smiles softly at her pup before finishing wrapping the wing. "Mommy Jane was mad because she might have to sell her car." Dean gives his mother a confused look. "See, mommy Mary lost her job today and now we will need more money. Selling the car will give us enough money to survive until I get another job, but mommy Jane really loves that car, she will probably not be willing to sell it. We may need to ask uncle Bobby for help."_

_The young pup smiles. "I like uncle Bobby. He taught me 'n Sammy how to shoot a BB Gun."_

_"Did he now?" Mary smirks at Dean while fixing his untamed hair. "I just might have to have a talk to him about that."_

_"Hey, mommy? How come you and Mommy have wings but me 'n Sammy don't?"_

_Mary hesitates, trying to find the right words. "When you find the right person, and get married, you will get your wings."_

_"How? Is it another grown-up thing?"_

_Mary smiles. "Yes, my boy."_

_~~~_

And everyone knows what that means... Castiel is unmated.

~~~

     At the end of the day, after a long physics class, Dean is excited to see his friends. He started coming down from the feeling of sailing around the room with the dragons after history class, so now he was the headache of the year. His friends refuse to give him aspirin, saying that it was his own damn fault, he had better stop getting high on those dangerous substances before he overdoses and dies. Dean really can't find it in himself to care.

     "So, where to?" asks the beta when they all climb into Crowley's car.

     "I'm feeling like the mall," says Benny. Crowley and Dean smile knowingly. All month, Benny has been "feeling like the mall." The movie theater, to be exact. There's a little omega who works there who Benny's been eyefucking and wouldn't you know it, the omega has been eyefucking him right back.

     "Awww, you going to see your little bitch? That's so fucking cute," Dean and Crowley squeal like fangirls who just met Misha Collins, the hottest guy on the planet.

     Benny is about to say some witty comeback, but just then, Dean's phone blares out "Ramble On" by Led Zepplin. Angrily, Dean picks up the phone, tapping the 'answer call' button.

     "What?"

     _"Is this where I can reach a Mister Dean Winchester?"_ the caller says.

     "This is him." Dean makes a face to his friends implying that the person on the other line is a complete moron who won't stop talking.

   _"Dean, are you aware of what happened to your little brother?"_

     "No..."

     After a moment, Dean's face pales and he hangs up. "So, where to?" Crowley looks at Dean expectantly.

     "The city morgue..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Mrs. Choksondik is a character from South Park. I couldn't think of a better name. Sorry this chapter is so short, I was kinda scared of it being deleted from my drafts. This is not really planned out at all and there will be a LOT OF SEX to come :) I'm not even sorry. Yes, i have experience with depression and the kind of drugs that Dean takes, in fact, I just got out of rehab a few months ago and absolutely had to write this. More to come!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fair warning, there's going to be some parent-child incest in this chapter. Sorry, I know it wasn't in the original tags, but I've updated them now so ya know... you can just skip over the ending part (from Jane beating up 17-year-old Dean to the end) and you won't miss anything really important. If you want to stop reading because of this, please feel free to do so, no hard feelings. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.  
> Just fyi, I don't believe in Dean's fucked up logic that he's a murderer. Please do not hate me for hurting the precious baby here.  
> Also, forgive me for hurting Sammy.  
> Please note that this fic is not planned out at all. This is un proof-read and unbeta-ed or whatever so PLEASE don't arrive outside my door with torches and pitchforks at three am if I offend you.  
> *smiles nervously* So yeeah, here you go! *posts chapter and runs far away to hide.*

Dean remembers the last time he was here. It was the third of November, if Dean remember's correctly. Of course he remembers correctly. It's hard to forget the last time you saw your mother's face.

Dean was only ten at the time. He remembers walking up to the old, cracked building. It looked like it had earned the name 'City Morgue'. He remembers looking at his mother's lifeless face, holding onto mommy Jane's hand while she wept for her lover and answering the pestering officers that were asking stupid questions about mommy Mary. Where did you last see mommy? How often do your mommies fight? Do you know where mommy Mary was last night?

Dean had been so frustrated... no one would tell him what was going on! Why was mommy Jane crying? Why was mommy Mary sleeping on that metal table and why wouldn't she wake up?

Dean was a smart kid, he knew what was going on, but he couldn't make himself believe it. Not when he watched all their relatives hugging mommy Jane and saying Mary was in a better place. What better place? When would she come back? Not at the burial, when they put mommy into the ground. Dean kept yelling for her to wake up or she would be buried alive. Not until after the funeral when uncle Bobby had to spell it out for him did Dean finally get the full picture. Mommy Mary wasn't coming back.

Dean remembers watching the aftermath of Mary's death. Jane would go on drinking binges and disappear for weeks on end. She would get angry easily and would take all her anger out on her eldest son. Sometimes she would throw furniture around and break glass and plates and doors while Dean tried to calm her down and Sammy just watched in the corner.

He had to deal with Sammy's questions about what happened to mommy Mary and if she would ever come home. And then when he figured out that Mary was dead, he would ask about her new home in heaven; Were the angels treating her well? Was she happy there? Could they go visit her there? Dean usually let their pastor deal with those questions.

As for Dean, the pain didn't even hit him for a few months.

Now it's happening all over, but with another lifeless body lying there.

Dean approaches his little brother. _Why is he here?_ Dean thinks. _Why_ _isn't he at school?_

"Sammy?" Dean knows his baby brother isn't going to answer him, but he has to try. "Sammy, what are you..."

Dean can hear his friends talking, but he can't begin to process what they are saying. A hand is on his shoulder, pulling him away from his baby brother, but suddenly this NEED TO PROTECT surges through him and Dean leaps for his brother. He wraps his arms around Sam and WILL NOT LET GO. People try to pull him off, yelling incoherent phrases until they don't anymore and everything is muffled out by silence.

When Dean was younger, Mary showed him a video of her and Jane when they were pups. It was old and there was no sound, just the moving picture of two pups that were happy and would some day fall in love and mate.

Right now, Dean's life was kinda like that, minus all the happy love shit. Dean could see what was going on, but he couldn't hear shit. Why couldn't he hear? His friends and some other people he didn't know were pulling him away from his brother, but he just snapped at them and held on tighter. Eventually they all let go and Dean just sat there, holding his baby brother's cold body, petting his hair and singing "Hey Jude" to him like Mary used to when they were younger.

~~~

_This is your fault, Dean Winchester. Why weren't you with your brother, who you claim to love so much? Oh, that's right, you were out LEARNING and GETTING AN EDUCATION. Except that's not what really happened, was it? While you were in class, oogling your teacher and wasting your time, your baby brother was out there getting killed, probably screaming your name while he slowly died. Your only job has ever been to protect your brother. Protect your brother, Dean! I guess you can't even handle a simple task like that._

_What are you good for you piece of shit?_ _You wicked boy, you didn't even deserve a brother. Sammy was a perfect child who deserved everything including a big brother who could protect him from this shit. Why couldn't you be there when he really needed you, Dean? Why did you let your brother die? What's wrong with you? Why does everyone you love die?  
_

_Where were you when your baby brother died?_

_~~~_

After a few seconds or days, Dean wakes up on Crowley's couch with a beer in his hands. His friend smiles at him when he sees him starting to register his surroundings. He's in his best friend's living room, sitting with Crowley and Benny while they stare at the TV where an old lady's eating a fish.

Dean remembers someone telling him how his brother had died, but the only thing that Dean could focus on was the deep gashes all over his brother's face and body. Raped and then stabbed to death? What?

The word "Gangbang" seems to be popular with the voice today.

"Hey, man. How're you feeling?" Dean notices that Benny purposefully doesn't use the word "brother".

"I'm ok, how are you?" Dean's friend looks at him like he's crazy, which Dean supposes is correct.

"Um, Dean," asks Crowley, "what do you remember about today?"

Dean frowns at his friend. "What? Mrs. Choksondik dying? Or that really sexy teacher that they got to replace her? Or Benny not being able to go see his little omega at the mall because our plans got interrupted by a phone call?""

Dean's friends look at each other with worried faces. "Do you... remember what that phone call was about, Dean?" Benny asks.

"Sammy was killed. Yeah, I remember."

For about thirty seconds, no one speaks except for the old TV lady talking about how to properly bake a fish. Benny speaks up. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The hot teacher? Not really, I don't want to mentally scar you with my ideas for him and that fucking tie..." Dean's mouth starts watering at the thought. His friends look even more worried.

"Dean, your brother, Sam Winchester, is dead, and you seriously don't have a single thing to say?" Crowley always got right to the point.

"What would I have to say? Sammy's dead and he's not ever coming back. What's dead is dead." Dean shrugs and goes to take a sip of his beer before he realizes it's empty. "Well, who's up for going to drink all our problems away at the college bar downtown? Maybe Lisa will be there." Dean licks his lips, remembering the last time they went to The Salty Senorita and Lisa, a college chick, had gotten drunk and taken her clothes off for two dollars. Dean loves the frisky women who're up for anything.

"Dean, you aren't dealing with this correctly," says Benny. "You can't just go drink and fuck all your problems away."

"Why not?" asks Crowley. Benny stares at him, shocked. "What? It worked for Jane Winchester." Crowley was always saying how he and Dean's mom totally fucked and no one could say otherwise.

"Whatever, man, I'm going to get me some and whoever wants a ride had better get off his ass right now," Dean says, standing up and walking to get his jacket.

~~~

"HEy, babe, how're ya?" Dean is having trouble stringing words into full sentences and has been shot down at least fourteen times by alphas, betas, and omegas of both genders, but he is a persistent son of a bitch. Well, son of two bitches.

The alpha he's flirting at doesn't seem to hear him. Dean touches his shoulder, he is going to get this guy's attention if it's the last thing he does. The man turns around and Dean about drops dead. It's none other than his teacher, Mr. Cas... something. Dean can't really remember. Cassiel? Casper? Oh, well.

"What do you... Wait a minute, aren't you in one of my classes?" The Cas dude narrows his blue eyes at Dean and Wow, they are REALLY blue, aren't they?

"Um... Yesh, how about we never met outside of classs..." Dean backtracks, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Or how about you tell me how you not only got in the door but also got at least three drinks in you, judging by your speech." Damn, this guy is SO HOT when he's giving orders. Dean's pretty sure his voice is deeper than it was this morning. FUUUCK.

Just then, Benny comes running over. "There you are, Dean. We were so worried. Crowley brought some weed and we're gonna go out back with some girls... Oh, hello, professor Collins." FUCK, this guy's a PROFESSOR?!? FUCKFUCKFUCK. That's another kink Dean kinda wishes he didn't have. He sincerely hopes that he won't make his students call him Professor Collins or Dean just might get a boner in class and that would SO suck.

"Wait, YOU'RE in my class, too!"

Then Crowley comes over, an arm around some chick in a halter top. "Benny, Dean, we're gonna start without you!"

"Ok, just how many of you are here?" asks the irritated teacher.

Crowley, always a fast thinker, says, "Hello, Castiel. Me and Benny are just here to support and help our friend get through the loss of his young brother." Crowley pats Dean on the back, sympathetically. "Dean here lost his brother to a horrible gang early this morning and now we're trying to help him move on. And what better way to do that than drinking and fucking, am I right?" Crowley laughs and begins to walk his very drunk friend away from the intimidating, blue-eyed alpha.

"Wait, you're still too young for this place!" Cas runs after them. He grabs Dean's arm. "Dean, LOOK AT ME." Oh, there's that alpha voice again. Dean has no choice but to look at his profe-- TEACHER and listen to whatever he was going to say. "Dean, you're dealing with this all wrong. You can't just drink and have sex and hope that all your pain will go away. You have to talk to someone."

Dean laughs. "You know, you're the secondd person to say that to me today." Then he frees himself from his teacher's grip and, with a wink in the alpha's direction, walks out to have a good time with his friends and some random college bimbos.

~~~

_Dean is eleven and Sammy is nine. It has been four months since Mary died. The yelling hasn't stopped for three hours and Dean knows it's only a matter of time before Jane finds their hiding spot in the attic and starts throwing fists._

_"dEAN WINCHESTER, YO GET YER FILTHY, MURDERING ASS OUT HERE!" Murdering? Dean and Sam look at each other in surprise. Why was he a murderer?_

_"THAT'S RIGHT, I JST KNO YOU KILLEDD MY PRECIOUS MARY! YOU WORTHLESS SCUM, C'MERE!" What? Dean didn't kill mommy Mary... What was mommy Jane talking about?_

_"IF SHE HADN BEEN SO DAMN TIRED, SHE WOULD HV BEEN ABLE TO STOP THOSE FLCKIN BASTARDS FROM BEATTING HER... my precious Mary... YOU SAW WHAT THEY DID TO HER, YOU SAW HOW THEY BROKE HER BODY, MY BEAUTIFUL OMEGA, SHE WAS SO STRONG... AND YUO MADE HRE WEAK, TOO WEAK TO FIGHT!" And, suddenly, Dean remembers._

_The night before Mary's death, Dean had woken up crying. He had come into his mommies' room and woken Mary up, asking for comfort and a story. She was up for three hours with him, making hot cocoa and reading him stories until he fell asleep in her bed. If mommy had gotten more sleep, maybe she would've been able to stop the attack._

You killed mommy Mary, _the voice said._ You worthless shit, you killed mommy Mary. _The voice had been sounding more and more like Mary ever since her death._ If it weren't for you, mommy Mary would still be alive. YOU DID THIS!

_The pain of hearing mommy Mary's voice saying it made Dean's stomach cramp and his heart break. He grabbed his stomach and tears rolled down his eyes. He killed mommy Mary..._

_Then his brother was there. "Dean, I don't know what mommy Jane is talking about, but you did not kill mommy Mary. I know this, you are innocent!" Dean looks at his little brother, holding onto his words. "Dean, think about it. You were with me all day, so how could you have killed mommy Mary?"_

_Dean's face fell. That was the moment that he realized you don't need to physically kill someone to be a murderer._

Look at that face, Dean, _says the voice._ That is the face of the little brother you let down when you murdered mommy Mary.

_The pain increases an infinite amount and Dean doubles over, sobbing. His hands feel like they are on fire and his stomach knots. "No, stop..."_

_"Dean, please don't listen to her. Mommy Jane's just confused," Sammy pleads. Dean pushes him away._

_"You don't know anything, Sammy! You're just a stupid kid who doesn't know anything, so leave me alone!" Dean sniffles._

You deserve whatever mommy Jane is going to do to you. _Dean believes it, he knows that he's a murderer and all murderers are sinners and all sinners deserve to be punished. It's in the Bible and the Bible's always right._

 _So Dean tares his eyes away from his little brother's confused and hurt face because_ oh, look, Dean. There's someone else you've hurt because you're a selfish bastard _and he climbs down the stares of the attic to find his mommy Jane._

_"Finally come out of your hiding, did you, boy? Good choice, I was afraid I would have to hurt the other one, too." Hurt Sammy? It's a good thing I came out, then, Dean thinks, because Sammy doesn't have anything to do with this and should not be punished for something I did._

_Dean's not expecting the first punch. Or the second or third one. Jane's fists just keep connecting with his face while Dean stands there as best he can and takes it. His face is gushing blood, tears, and snot and he is on the ground by the thirteenth punch. As soon as Dean hits the ground, the kicks start coming. Over and over again, Jane kicks him until Dean is sure he has a broken rib, back, and tailbone._

_It has only been about three minutes when the police sirens start outside the house. Dean is glad for the intrusion, but he is also worried because what if they lock away mommy Jane? Then Sammy would've lost two mommies in four months and Dean cannot, WILL not let that happen. "Mommy, please stop, the p--" the words are knocked right out of him when another blow lands on his chest._

_"Yuo wicked boy, you don't have a say in what I do!"_

_The next thing either of them know, The cops have Jane in handcuffs and Dean is on a stretcher and being driven to the hospital in an ambulance with Sammy by his side._

_~~~_

_Mommy Jane is finally allowed to come home. It has been almost three weeks since the incident and the boys have been staying with their uncle Bobby the whole time. Dean was in the hospital for a few days with a broken nose and rib._

_Jane's behavior was blamed on Mary's recent death. Some say that after an alpha looses their mate, they can go crazy, more so than if a beta or omega does. Jane definitely went a little insane, the doctors say._

_Upon seeing Dean, Jane bursts into tears. She hugs him tightly and whispers things at him about how sorry she is and how she would do anything to go back in time and stop herself, but Dean suspects these words are just for the benefit of the police officers that will be watching her for the next few months._

_When Jane asks the boys what she can ever do to make up for this, Sam makes an excited sound. Both Jane and Dean look at his excited face, knowing exactly what he's going to ask for. "Can we get a dog?" he asks._

_Jane chuckles. "Yes, we can get a dog."_

~~~

If you were to ask Dean when the beatings started again, Dean would say he couldn't remember. But that would be a lie. He remembers perfectly. It was July 15th, the day Jane got off probation.

~~~

"DEAN WINSHESTERE, YOU LITTLE SLUT!" Jane's slurred voice rings out through the small house. "GET YER FILTHY ASSHOLE OVER HERE!" Uh oh, Jane's home. Ever since Sammy's death, Jane has been out, probably drinking. It's been three days since Dean last saw her, the morning of Sammy's death. He's still numb to it all.

"I JUST GOT A CALL FROM YOUR TEACHER, CASSIEL CALLINGS, AND HE TOD ME THA YOU ARE LTTLE SLUT WHO FLIRTS AND DRINKS SO COME 'ERE AND LET ME BEAT SOME SENSE IN'O YA."

FUCK! Dean grabs his jacket and runs to his window. He will be eternally grateful that they live in a one story house and he has awesome friends who let him stay with them when Jane gets like this. Dean is about to jump out of his window when Jane bursts through his door and tackles him.

"Well, you hav done it again, Dean!" Jane is surprisingly strong for her age and easily pins Dean down and sits on his chest, holds his arms down with her legs. "I thought that maybe you learnt yer lesson last time, after ya killed my precious omega. Hell, I taught you one hell of a lesson once I got off of probation, if I'ma remember'n it right"

Jane starts the punches right away, not wasting any time. Dean really doesn't want his nose to be broken again, but what can he do? "Why does everyone I love die?" Jane weeps. "Oh, Right, because little bitch over here can't stop KILLIN' PEOPLE!!!"

Dean has learned over the many years of this that it's just easier to shut up and take it, but when Jane says, "Izz all yor fault, Dean!" he just can't keep his mouth shut.

"You think I don't know that?" he snarls at his mom. "You've been telling me for six years!"

"Ooh, lil bitch is havin' his heat early!" Jane claps her hands together. "Isn this wonderflul!" What? Dean's heat isn't for at least a month. What is Jane talking about? "Ya only talk back to me when you's in heat."

With one last punch to the face, Jane gets off of Dean. Dean, mistakenly thinking that Jane has decided to show him mercy, tries to get up when Jane kicks the back of his head, hard. Dean falls to the floor again. He can taste blood, but has no idea where it's coming from. His face hurts like it has been punched a few dozen times which is, incidentally, what just happened.

Dean can't really see out of one eye that has already swollen shut, but out of the other one, he sees his mother getting undressed. What's going on?

"You wicked boy, are yu not evn a litle hard fr mummy?"

"What?"

"You knw this is what we bth want, Dean..." Dean just coughs out a questioning sound. What's going on? His head hurts.

Jane is on top of him again., this time she's taking off Dean's pants. Dean is slowly putting two and two together, but he can't really believe it. Is his own mother really going to do this to him?

Dean gasps when his mother takes his Dick in her hands. This is way too fucked up, Dean can't even process it. "Yeeeah, ya like that, Don you, bitch?" What?

"What are you doing?" Dean asks. Jane squeezes his penis in return, hard. Dean yells because not only does that HURT, BITCH! but it is also the last thing he ever thought his own MOTHER would be doing.

"Shh, my wicked boy." She says, letting go from her monster grip on Dean's penis (thank god) and stroking his hair. "We wouldn want ta entire neighborhoodd to know about your little ithue here, now would we? After all, it's not normal for lil boyys, however WICKED, to have a crush on their moters!" WHATTHEACTUALFUCK?

Jane keeps stroking his hair as she opens herself up for her boy. "My boy gonna breed me up nice and good? You gonna do that for your mamma, boy?"

"NOnonono, Jane, please don't!" Dean panics.

His protests are met with a slap to the face. "You call me MOMMY!"

Dean doesn't know what to do, so he just yells, "MOMMY, PLEASE DON'T!!!"

"That's what I like to hear!" Dean's arms are trapped under his mother so all he can do is sit back and let his mom impale herself on him.

Dean can feel Jane's orgasm not a full minute later and is sososo thankful when she pulls herself off of him. "Well, you didn't cum fur mama, but I think my work here is done. I'll see you later, my wicked boy." Jane leaves a crying and bloody Dean on the floor with all her clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm sososo sorry for this fic. Idek what happened. I usually don't write guy/girl smut or incest so this was a really confusing chapter to write. Promise I'll update soon.  
> All criticism is welcomed and appreciated. I'm also hanging out on tumblr, so please come hang with me! I am wish-i-was-a-dalek on tumblr.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean deals with the aftermath of Sammy's death and being raped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas for what I should name this chapter? I have no ideas. Sorry this took so long, I was busy writing away, but then my depression decided to show its ugly face and yeah. Fuck, this is a really bad chapter.

"I'M NOT READY FOR FREDDY!!!" Crowley watches as his moron roommate screams at the computer, clicking the mouse like his life depends on it. Suddenly, Chica appears on the screen and Benny lets out the most girly, screechy scream that has ever some from a human.

The beta rolls his eyes. "I don't know why you insist on playing that creepy game if it makes you wet yourself every time something happens."

Benny gives his friend his bitchiest bitchface. "I'm sorry, brother, did you want to try? I'll bet you'll scream like a girl."

"Oh, like you just did?"

Benny sticks his tongue out at him. "Like you're any better. You scream every time that mutt jumps out in The Hunger Games!"

"I do not! And give me back my computer." Crowley reaches for his computer, but Benny lifts the old, brick-like dinosaur of a laptop out of his reach. Crowley growls at his alpha friend. He jumps for the computer, tackling Benny. After a few minutes of playful fighting (which ends in Benny's victory), there's a knock at the door. Crowley growls and gets up from where he was pinned under Benny. "This isn't over, alpha!" Crowley walks to the door.

"Wait!" Benny says when Crowley turns the handle. "Check the window, it might be Foxy coming to kill us and stuff us into an animatronic!"

"You're a freak," says Crowley, but he walks to the window anyway. His face contracts in worry at what he sees. "It's Dean!" Crowley runs to the door, opening it and taking his shaking friend in his arms. Dean looks like he's just walked through hell. His pants are torn and his face is bloody and swelling with a faraway look in his eye, the one that's not swollen shut, anyway.

Benny brings them both over to the couch. He gets a beer, a first aid kit, and some blankets for Dean. Crowley sits next to Dean while Benny cleans his wounds. Luckily, there's nothing serious. Or so they think.

No one talks for a while. Dean just holds his beer and stares at the blank TV screen. Crowley eventually speaks up.

"You know, the remote's right here if you want to watch something other than our reflections." Benny punches his arm. Crowley mouths 'what' at Benny, to which he replies with a mouthed 'shut up'.

Dean lets out a shuddering breath. He lifts the Beer to his lips, but instead of drinking it, he just holds it there for a moment. Benny is about to say something when Dean drops the beer and starts screaming. The screams mostly consist of "NONONO" and then some other incoherent phrases that neither Benny nor Crowley can decipher. ~~~~ ~~~~

Both Crowley and Benny wrap their arms around Dean until the screaming stops. Then the hyperventilating begins. Crowley hands Dean a paper bag to breathe into. The friends spend the next few minutes like this; Dean breathing into the paper bag while Benny and Crowley try to coax actual words out of him.

Eventually, the hyperventilating stops and Dean is silent once again. Crowley and Benny put their arms around their poor friend. "You've been through a lot," says Benny. "We're both here for you, Dean."

Benny looks expectantly at his friend. "Oh-- We're here for you if you ever need to... talk." Crowley hates talking, especially about someone's feelings, so the fact that he's willing to put aside his manhood and talk willingly with his friends about their _feelings_ shows that he really does care for Dean.

Dean smiles at his friends. "I'm fine." He proceeds to pick up the beer he dropped and clean up the spill like nothing happened. His friends look at him with a 'wtf is wrong with you' face.

"You're not ok, Dean," says Benny. "You're obviously mourning or something. And what on god's green earth happened to your face?"

"I'm fine." Dean continues to attempt at cleaning the floor.

Crowley crouches on the floor to help Dean clean the carpet. "You're not fine, Dean. Even I can see that."

"I'm Fine."

Benny walks out of the living room. 'Oh, great, now I've upset my friend,' Dean thinks. Benny returns a second later with a wet washcloth.

"Dean, Stop saying you're fine. You're not fine. Now tell us what happened." Benny rarely ever uses his alpha voice, but when he does, it's only because no one's listening and he knows he's right. Dean sighs. He knows Benny's right, too.

Crowley helps Dean back onto the couch while Benny cleans up the mess. "What happened, Dean? Did you get in a bar fight or something?"

Benny sits down next to Dean. "Tell us, Dean."

Dean lets out a shuddering breath. "Jane-..." Uh, oh. Dean looks around desperately for that paper bag.

"Jane came home?" Crowley hands him the bag. "That explains your face. But you've gotten a lot of beatings from her over the years. Why was this time any different?"

"JAne--" Dean suddenly vomits into the bag.

"Dude, weak!" Crowley cringes at the sight. That earns him a punch from his alpha friend.

Dean physically cannot tell his friends what happened. They figure this out after a few minutes of trying to get the words out of Dean and him vomiting up anything that was ever in his body. What will they think of him when they find out he just had SEX with his MOTHER? He didn't want to have sex with her, it just happened.

The voice has been quiet since the thing. Dean wonders if it will stay that way.

~~~

The next day, Crowley and Benny try to get Dean to go to the bar with them, but Dean says he's simply too tired. Benny and Crowley don't want to leave him alone, so they opt to go on a short beer run.

Not a minute after they leave, Dean hears a knock at the door. "Seriously guys," He yells as he walks form sulking on the couch to the door, "You lock your dumb asses out again?"

Only when Dean opens the door, he isn't greeted with the familiar faces of his idiotic friends, but his blue-eyed teacher. "Hello, Dean."

"Uh, hi, Mr..." Dean is seriously having trouble remembering this dude's name.

"Collins, but, when we're not at school, you may call me Castiel."

"Hello, Mr. Castiel." Dean tries his best to flirt like he usually would, but he's honestly not feeling it. Maybe he's just too drunk. Or not drunk enough.

"May I come in?"

Fuck, where are Dean's manners? "Yes, of course." Dean moves aside to let his teacher in. "Um, what's up?" There's a reason his teacher's here, and it's probably not to suck his cock, as much as he wishes it was.

They both sit down on the couch. "Dean, I've noticed you haven't been at school in the last few days." Fuck, he forgot about school. "Your mother said you have been feeling ill, but when I asked if I could speak with you, she told me you weren't home."

Dean feels sick at the mention of his mother. The alpha seems to sense that. "Dean, why aren't you at school? And why aren't you at home? If you're ill, you should be resting at home, not at your friends' house, who, by the way, haven't been in school either."

"I can't go home, Jane's in a mood." That's not a lie, Jane's always in a mood. "And as for why I'm not in school, well..."

"He's mourning," Crowley interrupts as he walks through the door with Benny in tow, "the loss of his brother."

Dean is more than grateful for his friends' amazing timing. "Yes, I'm mourning."

"That doesn't explain your absence, Fergus," says their teacher.

This time, Benny speaks up. "We're helping our best friend through this hard time."

"That doesn't excuse you either, Mr. Lafitte." Well, shit. Dean tries to think of a way to help his friends.

"It should, sir," says Dean. "They've been a huge help to me in this time of... sorrow?" Dean looks at his friends for help, but they just shrug at him.

Castiel looks at Dean with an honestly very bitchy bitchface. "They give you cheap beer and drive you to bars."

"Yes, and what more could a mourning man need?" Dean smiles. "So, now that we've put your mind at rest, you can leave us to our mourning." His friends go to the kitchen, confident that Dean has this under control.

"Dean, have you checked your grades recently?" Ah, there's the sentence everyone wants to hear.

"No?"

Castiel sighs. "Dean, if you don't do something, you're not going to have enough credits to graduate next year. You're already behind, and, by the looks of it, you're not going to pass any of your classes this year."

"So?" Dean asks. "I don't plan on graduating high school. I was only there to set an example for Sammy, but now that he's gone, there's really no reason to stay."

"Dean." Oh, there's that voice. Alphas have this voice they can sometimes use, commonly known as their alpha voice, which makes betas and omegas alike want to submit to them without a second thought. Castiel's is the most intimidating one Dean's ever heard. "You need to finish High School. If you want to go to college and get a degree, you'll need to graduate from high school. Also, you will be needing a job soon, and having a High School GED looks good on a resume."

Dean almost laughs. "If you're trying to convince me to go back to school, you can forget it, because my mind's made up. I'm not going back. I'm dropping out this week."

Castiel shrugs. "Fine, then. Do what you will." Castiel abruptly stands up and walks to the door. He stops before walking out to say, "You might want to stay out of bar fights. Judging by your face, you really should've learned this lesson by now." Dean's hand absently goes to his left eye. Castiel walks out the door.

~~~

Sammy's funeral is held a week after his death at the local church. The reception is at a relative's house. All of Dean's family is there, including his Grandparents whom he absolutely HATES. So the day is mostly spent talking to his weeping relatives, running away from Jane's parents, and listening to speeches about Sammy and what a short, young life he had lived.

Dean couldn't be more happy about there being an open bar at the reception. That'll keep the relatives busy for a while. Also, Dean hasn't seen Jane since the thing, and, if he had to bet, the best chance of her being anywhere is at an open bar. Needless to say, Dean really does not want to be anywhere near Jane right now.

Dean has been trying to act like he has any emotions whatsoever about Sammy's death, but the only thing he feels is exhaustion. He's so TIRED. Tired of acting like everything's okay, tired of joking with his friends, tired of eating and drinking and breathing and thinking, tired of everything. Maybe he just needs another drink.

Dean finds his friends hanging out by the food. Where else would they be?

"Dean, there you are," says Crowley with a mouth full of cookies. "How are you doing?"

 Benny gives Dean a bear hug before he can say anything. "Look, man, I... I know this all has to be so hard."

"Uh, not so much."

"But, I want you to know... I'm here for you." Benny pulls back and looks deeply into Dean's eyes. "You brave little soldier. I acknowledge your pain." Dean is getting more uncomfortable by the second. "C'mere."

Benny pulls Dean into another hug while Dean silently mouths to Crowley, 'How many drinks has he had?'

"Too precious for this world." Benny starts sobbing like he did when the Eleventh Doctor died.

Dean wriggles out of Benny's grasp before he starts fanboying all over him. Benny falls to the floor crying like he does when properly drunk.

"Wow, we really need to cut off the fangirl," says Crowley.

"Speaking of which, can you get me a beer?"

"Why?" asks Crowley. "Go get one for yourself."

"Um, Jane is over there."

"So?" Dean hesitates to answer. After a while, Crowley chuckles to himself. "Is this about that monster beating she gave you a few days ago?" Dean still has the black eye. "Dean, you're going to have to face her sooner or later."

"Not if I get my own place. I just... can't right now. Please, Crowley?"

"No, Dean. This is something you have to figure out on your own. You can't keep avoiding your mother forever."

Dean growls and walks away. Crowley just doesn't understand. It's like the worst next morning ever.

Well, either way, Dean needs a drink. He decides to sneak over to the bar quickly, grab a beer, and run like hell. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. Until he heard that DAMN VOICE. "Hello, Dean."

FUCK. "Hey, Cas." Yeah, Dean has officially given up on remembering his name. He looks over his teacher. Cas is wearing his normal attire, black jacket over a light shirt with a blue tie, and dress pants that show off DAT ASS (Dean hates his brain for going there right now). Can't forget his trademark trench coat. Fuck that beautiful coat.

"Figured I'd find you here." Cas brings his beer bottle to his lips and FUCK MY LIFE.

"Yeah, I wonder what ever gave you that idea." Dean grabs a beer out of the not-very-well-guarded cooler. "What brings you to this classy party?"

"Dean, for someone who just lost half his family, you seem to be doing very well." Cas leans against a wall. Suddenly, that wall looks very inviting.

Dean smiles at his teacher. "You don't need to make me feel any worse about it." Cas stares at him like he wants Dean to continue. "It's just... I don't know. I mean, I know I should feel something- sadness, anger, guilt. But I feel nothing."

"Why would you feel guilt? It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, it was," says Dean. "If I hadn't stopped walking Sammy to school in the mornings, I would've been there to protect him. But I wasn't." Dean used to walk Sammy to the school every morning, before his classes started. A few months ago, Sam had begged Dean to stop, his friends were teasing him for it. Dean had granted his wish because he remembered being Sammy's age and wanting to be "cool" at all costs. But now, looking back, that was the stupidest thing he's ever done. Sammy's life was way more important than keeping his reputation.

"You couldn't have known what was going to happen."

"I should have." Dean just keeps on smiling, because it's better to show some emotion than none. Maybe.

"Dean, it's okay to feel this way. Most people go into shock and become numb to everything for a few weeks after a tragedy."

"I know that. This happened when my mom died." Dean doesn't know why he's talking to Cas about any of this, especially about his mom. He never talks about mom. But he can't seem to stop himself. "I was emotionally numb for a few months after her death. I know what's happening. I just wish it wasn't."

Cas cocks his head. "Do you know when you started feeling again?"

Dean laughs. He remembers exactly, it was the day Jane started beating him. But he can't say that. "You know, I really cannot remember."

Cas looks like he doesn't believe him, but if he doesn't, he chooses to ignore it. "Crying helps."

"Crying?" Dean asks, almost laughing. "Yeah, I'm sure if we fanboy enough, we'll all become emotionally stable."

"Actually, that might be exactly what you need."

Dean laughs out loud this time. "And I suppose you have some kind of scientific theory to back this up."

"Not really. I just know it helped me." Cas's eyes get this far away look in them. "When my sister died, I couldn't cry for months. Actually I only started felling things after reading a really sad book."

"Oh." What do you say in these situations? Whatever he says, Dean's going to fuck it up, anyway. "What book?"

"You've probably never heard of it." Cas looks down at his beer while Dean feels like the biggest asshole in the world. "Anyway," Cas shakes his head a little, to clear it, Dean supposes. "That's one way to get over things. Bury yourself in fandoms." Cas smiles sadly at Dean.

"You're going to have to let me borrow this book. It sounds like a good read."

Cas actually laughs at that. "You know, I noticed you are technically still enrolled in the school."

"Yeah, I haven't gotten around to un-enrolling or whatever. Been busy." Dean rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Well, if you want to borrow the book, you'll have to come back to class."

"Is that a promise?" What are you doing, Dean?

"We'll see." Cas smiles darkly at Dean and walks away.

Well, Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was a terrible chapter. I was reluctant about posting it, it's really bad. I've been around people who were recovering from rape, but I (thankfully) have no idea how to write this from Dean's POV. I should really stop writing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> READ THE NOTES!!!!!  
> i dont know even what this story has turned into...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should really be doing productive things with my time, but I'm not. Sorry for using Twist and Shout as the book here. I just really love it. SPOILERS if you haven't read it. If you haven't read Twist and Shout already, GO READ IT!!! You don't even have to leave this website. It is literally the most beautiful thing ever... I'm still crying.

_Sammy is running as fast as humanly possible. Something is following him, but the figure is blurry, too blurry to see. Sam opens his mouth, trying to scream for help, but no noise is coming out. The only sound is the steady footfalls of the dark figure pursuing him._

_Sam's heartbeat is getting faster and faster, but it doesn't sound like a heartbeat, more like a heart monitor. The beep beep beep of the machine is getting faster and faster as he runs through the white fog. Sam has no idea how he got here, he just knows he has to keep running. He cannot let this monster catch up to him._

_But the monster is getting faster and Sam can start to feel the ache of his muscles from running for the last... however long it has been. It seems like he has been running forever, but that can't make sense, can it?  I mean, He couldn't have been running forever._

_Where's his brother? Where is Dean? Sam tries screaming again, but no noise comes out. The words get lost on his tongue and He can practically feel the breath of the monster on his back. The beeping is getting faster and closer together until it turns into one long beeeeeeeeeeeeeee..._

Dean wakes with a start. His heart is racing and he could almost swear he can feel the presence of another in his room with him. What in the name of God in heaven just happened?

~~~

Dean walks into history class. He feels nervous, like everyone knows what happened with Jane. He hates this feeling, exposed and raw. Luckily for him, His friends are always there for him. The alpha and beta are currently in other classes, so Dean has to struggle through this one alone. _It's okay,_ he tells himself. _It's only one class. And Cas-something is the teacher here._ For some reason that thought is comforting to him.

Dean forgets why. The teacher's blue (If you can call that unearthly color of amazingness blue) eyes are constantly on him, and Dean is having a hard enough time focusing. After an hour and a half of learning ~~~~~~about that ass~~ and taking notes about who the hell cares, the bell finally rings. Dean is packing up his things when Cas asks him to stay behind. No one pays it any mind. After all, Dean does have a reputation at this school; the trouble maker, the burnout, the player.

After the class has filed out of the room, Dean makes his way slowly to Cas's desk. He doesn't know why he's suddenly so nervous. He's never really had any trouble with the whole 'crush' thing. Hell, he's never even had a 'crush' before Cas, all his 'targets of affection' or whatever either targeted him back or he never let it get this bad, but over the last few nights, Dean had been getting off at least once at the thought of this dark-haired alpha.

When Dean finally stands in front of his teacher's desk, Cas takes a moment to just look over the omega. Dean blushes under his piercing stare and looked for anything at all to distract him from what was going on at this moment. He glances at the nameplate on the desk in front of him that reads "Castiel Collins." Oh, so that's his name. Dean is really terrible at remembering his full name.

Dean, before thinking about it, blurts out, "Is it okay if I just call you 'Cas?'"

The teacher looks surprised. "Yes, of course, Dean."

"I'm sorry, it's just, I'm honestly having trouble remembering your name."

Cas laughs. "I understand. I was given an unusual name, it's okay if it takes you a while to remember it correctly." Dean sighs in relief. He really needs to learn to think before he speaks. Cas squints at him. "I didn't think you were coming back."

"Well, we had a deal. I come to school, you let me borrow that book that's apparently going to make me cry my eyes out."

"I believe it was a promise, Dean." The teacher reaches into his desk and pulls out an old paperback book that looks like it's seen better days. It's obviously been read many times before, the pages are dog-eared and the pages have yellowed. "I'm sorry, it's not in the best shape. As you can see I have read it many times."

"That's okay, I don't mind," says Dean. "As long as it's readable, I think it will be okay."

Cas hands the book to Dean carefully, like he is trusting him with a valuable artifact. He probably views it as one. Dean holds it with care, knowing that this book must be respected. Cas smiles at that. "When you read that, be sure to have a box of tissues at hand. It will make you cry for years." The alpha sighs. "I'm still not over it..."

Dean looks at the cover. I reads _'Twist and Shout'_ by Gabriel and Standbyme. _What kind of names are those,_ Dean thinks.

"Two people wrote this?" Dean asks his teacher.

"Yes, I believe they worked on this book together."

"That's weird..." Dean has never heard of a book with two authors.

"It is odd, but it doesn't take anything away from this awesome story. If anything, it makes it better."

Dean continues looking over the cover and notices something. "This is about a gay couple."

"Yes, is that a problem? I thought you would be okay with that, given your reputation here." Ah, Dean's reputation. He'd been caught on both the giving and receiving ends of a blowjob behind the bleachers a few times. Also, some sex in the janitor's closet, but that was mostly with women.

Dean blushes at the fact that his history teacher, the newest person at this school, already knows about him. "No, it's not a problem. I just wasn't expecting that. There aren't many books about the LGBT community." _At least not bestseller books_ , Dean thinks as he remembers the stack of trashy gay porno books he hides in his closet at home. After all, isn't this a "#1 bestseller?"

"Well, you be careful with that book," Cas says. "If you rip it or lose it, you will have to answer to me."

Dean kind of really wants to have to answer to Cas, but not for this. "Don't worry, I'll keep it safe for you."

Suddenly the classroom door opens and Crowley and Benny appear. Dean bids his teacher goodbye and walks out with them, exited to get started reading, for once in his life.

~~~

The next day, Dean is exhausted. He didn't sleep last night in favor of reading. Luckily, it's Saturday and there's no school today, so he can read and nap all day today. Unfortunately, Crowley has other plans.

"What are you going to do about your living situation?" asks Crowley. "I'd be happy to let you stay, but you need to get a job and buy your own food. And pay rent. We don't live here for free, you know."

Crowley had been living on his own since he was 15. His parents found out he was Bisexual and kicked him out of their house, saying that they don't let 'fags' stay with them. Benny moved in a year later. They were dating at the time, but they would not stop fighting. Despite their ~~ten-day screaming match~~ break up, they ended on good terms.

Benny's mom had died when he was little and his father had been arrested while Benny was with Crowley, so he had no where else to go. Luckily, Crowley had no problem letting his ex stay with him, as weird as that seems. They actually got along great after the break-up. A little too great, if you ask Dean, but he's not the suspicious type. Usually.

So Dean agreed to get a job if it meant he could stay with them. The only problem was that Dean had only worked one job in his entire life and that didn't end on a very good note. Dean's uncle, Bobby, owned a auto shop downtown, where he had hired Dean when he was 14. Dean worked there, answering the phone and filing papers until Bobby agreed to train him to actually work as a mechanic, mostly changing oil and rotating tires until he was 16.

Finally, Bobby agreed to let him help with the bigger stuff, like fixing and replacing parts. Then, one day, Dean had found a joint in the back. Dean still has no idea where it came from. He smoked it anyway, and Bobby fired him for being high on the job. Dean's memory of that day was a little fuzzy. So Dean cannot really use that as a reference.

Dean decides to take a break from reading to job hunt. He is having trouble focusing, because OMFG WHAT GOING TO HAPPEN TO THAT ONE DUDE AFTER THAT ONE THING HAPPENS TO THAT OTHER DUDE ?!?!? (trying to be vague here...)

Dean applies for a few low-level positions online, but there's one store at the mall that he has his eye on. Dean elects to go on a shopping trip...

~~~

_Sammy is walking through the park. It's still dark out, but he knows it's early morning. Sammy walking through the park this early is not an unusual sight, as he likes to get to his classes a little early. The unusual part is that he's not walking, he's running._

_Sammy likes to exercise once in a while, but this is different. No one runs at breakneck speed towards their school, no matter how much they enjoy it._

_Sam looks back at his pursuer, but the image is too blurry to see. Damn it, if only he could see who was chasing him, he would have a better idea of who he should blame for killing his brother... but wait, wasn't that Dean's line?_

_Sam tries running harder, but he is already pushing his body to the limit. Why is he falling? More importantly, why is he falling NOW? He sends a quick prayer to God, praying for a savior, but the only thing that happens is his blurry assailant getting closer by the second._

A loud barking noise wakes Dean from his dream. "Shut UP," Dean whines. The barking gets louder. "Seriously," Dean mumbles as he rolls out of bed, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, "get your dogs under control, people...." The barking continues and it takes Dean a full minute to realize that the bark sounds familiar.

Dean runs to the front door of the small house and is greeted by a furry face. "Bones!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know Twist and Shout has smutty smut in it and is about Destiel, but in this universe, it's not about them and it's rated pg-ish (only because there's no way Cas would recommend a book with sex in it to a student-- I think).  
> Ok so Dean's about to go through something I just went through a few months ago... He's going to start doubting and eventually change his religion. He is currently a (very confused) Christian. I'm not saying Christianity is at all wrong in any way, please don't take this the wrong way and, again, feel free to stop reading anytime if this offends you. I just really needed to write this. Also, please don't start spamming my inbox with all your "you need god" memos or whatever, although if you're reading this story, I doubt you're really going to send me that.  
> And some of you may recognize the name Bones... You'll see, you'll see.  
> Also, who can resist Hippie!Lucifer? Oh, wait, that's in the next chapter...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst, dogs, and emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's gay and everything hurts... I think I did this wrong.  
> Ok so I WAS going to use Juliet as Sam's dog, but I had an even BETTER idea for her.... updating slow as fuck, sorry.

Benny wakes up at gods-know-what hour to the sound of sobbing in the next room. "Whsats goin on...?" he mumbles. The lump next to him shifts a bit, but doesn't wake up. Benny rolls off the bed and shifts to the closet to put on some shorts before investigating.

The sound is coming from the room Dean has been sleeping in. _Oh, no,_ Benny thinks. _It's finally happened._ He knew Dean would have to crack soon. Benny knocks on the door, wincing at the sound. "Dean? You okay?" The sounds quiet down.

Dean's red tear-streaked face appeared. "Oh, hi..," he sniffs.

"I hate to say it, but you gotta talk to somebody, Dean," Benny scolds. "You shouldn't be in here crying your eyes out alone."

Dean's eyes widen. "Oh, no. I was crying over this book Prof-- mister Collins lent me." Dean still can't think of Cas as a professor. It would give him a permanent history class boner. Benny raises a questioning eyebrow and Dean sighs. "Look, it's really sad, okay?"

Benny rolls his eyes. "Whatever, brother, but I'm going back to bed." _Wow, what a weirdo,_ Benny thinks.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

"Hello, welcome to Flowers of the Sun," Dean says in a totally monotone voice at the chiming of the door's bell. "Can I interest you in a one-of-a-kind imported Chinese handbag?" Dean lazily turns the page of the manga he's reading while sitting behind the counter. He already knows what the answer to the question will be; "No thank you, I'm just browsing!" sometimes accompanied by giggling.

So, obviously, he's a little surprised to hear the deep voice of his alpha history teacher saying, "Now, is that any way to welcome a costumer, Dean?"

Dean hastily looks up from his _Shingeki No Kyojin_ manga and bows his head slightly. "Sorry, professor, I thought-..."

"Where have you been?" Professor Castiel is literally FUMING.

It's true, Dean hasn't been to school in a few days. "Er..."

"I thought we had a deal.  You continue coming to school and I let you borrow my most prized possession." Castiel is so pissed that he sounds like he's on the verge of using his alpha voice, and Dean can hear it mixing into his words. "But I haven't seen you in days, not since Friday. And guess what day it is today?"

Dean is shaking, he can't stand the thought of anyone, much less his favorite teacher yelling at him in an alpha voice, and Cas is coming pretty close to doing just that. "Thursday, sir," he says with a wavering voice. Cas seemed to hear the shaking in his voice, because his next words are kinder. Well, the anger is less directed at him, at least.

"And where are your friends? They haven't been in class all week!" This information is new to Dean, as he thought his friends, at least Benny, was attending classes. Crowley is probably off doing drugs with some shady trolls, It isn't unusual for him to skip weeks of school at a time. His teacher's next words come as a shock to him as well. "You just up and leave, no contact, nothing. I wasn't even sure if you were alive, no one's heard from you since Friday, I thought you might've killed yourself!"

The teacher's next words were muddled out by Dean's brain instant replaying his previous words and squealing 'HECARESHECARESHECARES' like a crushing school pup. "What?"

But Cas wasn't listening. "...had to find out you were alive from my brother..."

"You have a brother?" Dean asks stupidly.

"Dean, I noticed you've met my 'lil bro, Castiel." Luke, the store's hippie manager, pops out from the storage room. "Yep, Me 'n Cas been brothers ever since we was born..."

Cas was still yelling, but the venom had left his voice. "I was calling all the teachers, I went by your house twice, Dean, and you still haven't been home, according to your mother, who, wonderful woman she is, looks like someone who would not tell anyone if her son killed himself."

Dean thinks Cas is quite right. Jane wouldn't give a fuck if he killed himself, she would probably throw a party.

"And I had no idea where you were for a week. AN ENTIRE WEEK, DEAN!!!" Cas didn't sound angry anymore, just scared. And relieved and Dean didn't even know why. When Cas looks at Dean's confused face, he whispers "fuck it, just... give me your phone, Dean."

Dean, in a moment of pure stupid, thinks Cas is taking away his phone, and growls, "You're not the boss of me." This earns him a hard glare and Dean eventually gives up and hands his teacher his phone.

He's surprised when Castiel starts tapping on the screen. "I want an update on weekends and whenever you even THINK about taking a day off, I want you to call me. Okay?" Dean is honestly taken back by Cas's behavior. Does he treat all his students like this? Dean feels so warm and soft, like someone actually cares about him. "OKAY?!?!?"

"Okay, okay." Dean is sure he's blushing like a bitch in heat, but he can't help it. Why is Castiel acting like a mother hen? And why does it make Dean feel so happy? "I'll call you if I'm not going to school."

"Oh, no you won't," yells Castiel. "You're coming either way. I will literally drag you out of bed you're not giving me another scare like that again." Cas stares at Dean until he agrees to go to school from now until the day he dies and then, with a quick greeting to his brother, the first sign he's even shown that Luke exists, he turns quickly on his heel and stomps out of the smol shop, trench coat flapping in the wind behind him.

After a moment of awkward silence where both Dean and Luke stare at the door, Luke breaks into song;

" _Dean-o and Cassie sittin in a tree_

_F-U-C-K-I-N-G_

_First comes luv_

_then comes mating_

_then comes the puppies in the puppeh carriage"_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... where did you get mating from THAT?" Dean turns to Luke. "We don't even know each other."

"Puh-lease. He was totally red in the ears through that entire scene and you couldn't stop blushing." It's true, Dean can feel his cheeks burning. His shoes become very interesting.

"Now, before you go bangin' by baby brother, I gotta tell ya," Luke looks at Dean with an intense stare, the kind that tell you he's going to say something REALLY important. "He's into some WEIRD stuff in bed. Like, BDSM weird. You better do your research."

Dean is so done with Luke's shit. "Like he'd tell you."

"Pshaw. I don't need him to tell me. It's in his eyes. He's a total dom in bed because we never let him have any control in any other area of his life." Dean just sort of stares at Luke in shock. He's never heard anyone talk about their siblings in that manner before. Of course, Luke isn't what you would call 'normal' with his blonde dreads and his tie-dye hat, his normal attire.

Dean... honestly cannot think about siblings right now, it reminds him too much of... yeah. (He swore to only cry alone, but it's getting harder- Cas was right, that book did help) So instead he shakes his head and asks, "You don't have a problem with him dating a student?"

Luke smiles, a little insanely, and says, "Well, well. Look who's getting ahead of himself. I don't have a problem with him banging a student, so long as he doesn't lose his job. But dating? I don't know, I'd have to really know the dude before I was comfortable with them being together..." Dean just rolls his eyes because Luke is fucking weird.

Dean has known Luke for a little over two years. Someone from his freshman class told Benny that some hippie-looking store in the mall sold the good weed, saying that this shit was life and you couldn't get better shit anywhere in the area. It's true, Luke does sell weed, but that's not why they kept going back. Dean and Benny were dragged back to The Hippie Store, as they call it, by Crowley. Crowley was completely taken by the hippie-looking alpha. He would visit the smol shop once a week, at least. He finally got over his little crush and started dating Benny, instead. That didn't stop the three friends from forming an odd friendship with the store manager.

Luke pats Dean on the back, laughing. "You know, I think you two could be good together..."

~~~

When Sammy turned 10, he was given the best present ever- Bones! Mommy Jane and big brother took him to the animal shelter. His mommy told him he could pick out a dog, any dog he wanted.

Sam walked through the dog shelter, accompanied by his brother. Dean had become very quiet lately and wasn't very much help in picking out his new best friend. "God, Sam, I don't know, just pick one already," he snapped when they had been looking for almost an hour. But Sam needed to be sure...

He knew when he had found him. A large golden retriever puppy with big, brown eyes and slobber hanging from his mouth. Dean found him repulsive, but Sam loved him. For reasons unknown, Sam named him Bones.

Sometimes when Dean and Jane were screaming at each other, Sam would barricade himself in his room with Bones. They would wait in the closet with Sam's Nintendo until they couldn't hear yelling anymore.

When Jane got really bad, Dean would hide in the attic, waiting for her to eventually get drunk enough to pass out. Bones would sometimes make his way up there and sit with his head on Dean's lap. Bones learned that if he licked the tears off Dean's face, Dean would start laughing and cheer up fairly quickly.

Bones quickly became part of their family and how Dean could simply leave him at his mother's house, he'll never know. Bones settles quickly at Crowley's house, but Dean still can't look at him. It's not so much the guilt of leaving him alone with Jane _although that should be the problem,_ it's the memory of the boy who used to be inseparable from this dog. Don't get Dean wrong, he loves Bones, but even the slightest thing will set Dean off nowadays.

~~~

Dean gets to leave work early, as Luke isn't feeling well, so he gets home at five instead of nine, like he normally would. Which is good if you're planning on yelling your ass off at your best friend. Dean finds Benny sitting on the couch, nose buried in a comic book. "And when were you planning on telling me where you've been sneaking off to every day?"

"I've been at school, what's up with you brother?" Benny looks at Dean with such confusion, he's almost inclined to believe him. He would have if he hadn't just seen Castiel.

"Guess who came into the shop, today?"

Turning his attention back to the comic in his lap, Benny says, "I don't know, Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"You wish." Benny's Crush on BBC's Sherlock isn't exactly a secret. "Castiel Collins. And he had some very interesting information."

"Oh?" asks Benny. "What'd he say?"

"He said you haven't been in class for the past few days!"

Benny seems to consider this for a moment. "Yes, I suppose I haven't."

This pisses Dean off to no end. "Well? Are you ever going to tell me where you were?!?!?"

Benny sighs and puts down the comic. "... No." Benny goes back to reading.

"What the actual... I can't even..." Benny smirks. "You little fuck," Dean whispers as the realization dawns on him. "You've been skipping to see that little omega at the movie theater, haven't you?"

Benny smiles a bit. "Yeah, I have... I can't wait for you to meet her."

Dean sits down next to his friend. "Wow, so things are really progressing, are they?"

"I think this is the one, Dean," says Benny. "I think this is the girl I get my wings with."

"Whoa, there. You just met, how can you even be considering mating with her?"

Benny beams at his omega friend, "I just think we're meant for each other."

"Oh, I see..." Dean smiles slyly at Benny. "She has the fun house locked up, doesn't she? And you think that of you sweet talk her, she'll open up like the innocent flower that she is?"

Benny looks horrified at his friend. "What do you think of me? How horrible do I come across to you?" He pauses. "That sounds kinda like something you would do," he adds as an afterthought.

"Yeah, I'm kind of an asshole. So, seriously, tell me more about this girl," Dean bounces on the couch like the excited fangirl he is.

"Well, her name's Andrea and she's amazing... She's sweet and funny and she never knows when to shut up..."

 

**_~~~_ **

 

 _You're so fucking inconsiderate._ What do you want now?  _Just reminding you that you left your baby brother's best friend at your mother's house for two weeks. I_ know you don't have to remind me.  _You don't feel as guilty about this as you should._ You think I don't know that? I should be begging that dog for forgiveness, but I can't because, oh, I forgot, he's a dog! _It doesn't matter to Jane._ Shut up. O _k, just making sure you knew..._ _also, you left your phone at work._ WHAT?!?!?

Dean jumps out of bed, completely giving up on trying to get to sleep. He needs that phone, the shop is closed tomorrow and he isn't planning on going to school. He promised Castiel he would call him and he wants to keep that promise.

Dean grabs his coat, ignores the questioning calls of his best friends, and runs out into the cool October air. It's only eight o'clock so the mall is still open, but only for a little while. _Shit._

The walk to the mall is only ten minutes, but Dean takes it at a full-on run, trying to get there before anything happens. How could he forget his phone? The damn piece of shit is brand new (he used up most of his savings on paying it off on the spot - Dean doesn't like to be in debt) and if he loses it... well, Dean doesn't know what he'll do.

The gate to the store is fucking locked. "Damn!" Dean slams his fist into it with all the force he can. Like it's the door's fault. He starts beating on the door, throwing punch after hit, kicking it, hoping to break the damn thing down.

Of course, someone intervenes because people never shut the fuck up. By this point, Dean is fucking hysterical. He's been attacking the door for what feels like forever, so what if a human gets hit in the process? It doesn't matter anymore. Until he feels a sudden pain in his ribcage. He can't breathe, the wind must've been knocked out of him or some shit. He falls to the ground and hands hold him down as he sobs. Dean doesn't remember when he started crying, but there are tears streaking down his face and he still can't breathe.

"Call a cop or something, we need help," someone calls out.  _Why won't that damn door break? Fuck._

Dean is grounded again by a familiar voice. "Stop, please!" Dean stops moving and lays perfectly still, waiting for more instructions from the only alpha he really trusts.

There's some more talking, mostly angry voices and growling, but Dean isn't really listening. The hands let go of him, one by one. Dean only moves when he smells the familiar scent of his alpha. "Cas?" Dean lifts his head.

"Let's go home." Cas looks winded and scared, and suddenly, Dean is filled with fury at this man.

Dean growls. "Damn it, Cas. Why are you always just-" Dean breaks off in gut wrenching sobs. Castiel helps him up and walks him out, arm around his shoulders, and Dean can smell the alpha's protection around him. He lets himself be half-walked, half-carried out.

 

_~~~_

 

Dean doesn't want to open his eyes. He can hear the conversation that's going on, but it's almost like it's from very far away. He knows that Cas is telling his friends what happened. He can smell Crowley and Benny in the room, he can sense the warmth of the blanket wrapped around him, he can feel the weight of his alpha's arm around him. If Dean opens his eyes, he will have to face the consequences of tonight, and who wants to do that (He's pretty sure he broke someone's nose)? So he just buries his face in that revolting trench coat, breathes in the fumes of this intoxicating alpha, and waits for it all to just disappear.

If only it were that simple.

"Dean, look at me." Dean finally pulls his face out of the depths of that amazing warmth and faces his demons. "Dean," Castiel begins, "what happened tonight?"

Dean sniffs, trying to remember clearly. "I went back to the mall for my phone... and the gate was locked.... I may have overreacted a bit," Dean scoffs. He overreacted a lot.

Castiel is not amused. "Dean, you punched a security guard in the face. I just barely convinced him to not press charges." Dean lowers his head a bit. "You could have.... Well, I don't really know what could've happened. I'd prefer to not think about it." Cas's voice seems like it should be scolding, but instead, there is a softness to it, like a parent trying to comfort a pup. Dean can feel himself calming down. Damn him.

"I'm sorry. I just fucking lost it." Dean starts to hyperventilate again.

He hears Benny mumble something to Cas, who then hands Dean a paper bag to breathe into. It's Crowley who asks, "Why were you there in the first place, Mr. Collins?"

"Luke, my brother, asked me to bring Dean his phone. Dean seemed to have left it at work accidentally. When you said he ran out earlier, I assumed he remembered and went back for it, so I decided to follow him." Dean can feel Castiel's arm tighten around him. "I'm glad I got there when I did."

Dean sighs. He's suddenly so tired. "Cas?" he asks, "Why'd you help me?" Dean still cannot look at any of their faces correctly, so he opts to look down. He can still feel the hesitation in his teacher's voice.

"I help people who need it. I didn't really think it was an issue. If you want me to back off, I can."

"No!" The urgency in Dean's voice surprises even himself. "Please don't leave me." Dean can hear the desperation in his voice and he hates it. He's so fucking weak.

Cas shushes him. "I'm not going anywhere, Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally just wrote the ending so I know where I'm going. And I can use this (trashy ass) computer (gods, I hate this thing) to write. My life has been pretty hectic lately. I had to uproot my life, give away my old computer (*tears* I loved that thing), and help my mom lug a small car full of stuff across the country. I finally have time now, and have been trying to get back into writing. I know you all don't give a fuck and are probably pissed as hell that I haven't updated (and that there's no porn! What the hell're ya doing, Cory?!?) but I just wanted to let yall know WHY I haven't updated in... six or seven months? *smiles sheepishly* Sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, mostly angsty chapter. I have a plan, don't worry. It will probably turn out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its three in the morning. yall are keeping me up way too late.  
> Unproofread etc. I'm tired as fuck. Goodnight!

Dean wakes up to his own bed and a warm body next to him. He tried to remember exactly how last night led to there being a warm body next to him, until he realizes that no human body is that furry. "Good morning, Bones." He groans as Bones licks his face in a morning frenzy.

Dean's soft chuckles slowly turn to sobs as yesterday and everything else comes crashing back to him. His door opens and Dean gives up caring who sees him cry. It's just too much for a little omega like himself to handle. It's too much and it's not fair and it's not right that Sammy had to pay for his incompetence as a big brother. If only Dean wasn't a scared little whore, he would kill himself like he should. Dean spews words out from deep inside of his mind, finally realizing the depth of his pain. Meanwhile, his alpha shoos away his friends so he can help comfort his omega.

Once Dean has stopped sobbing his little pity party, he slowly comes back to the real world. He can feel the strong arms of his alpha around him. Dean turns around to curl his body around his alpha. "Why are you still here, Cas?"

"I just... I couldn't leave you like this." Cas waits for a moment before continuing, "That's not true."

Dean grunts, "What's not true?"

"Everything you just said." Dean looks up, confused. "You said you were an incompetent big brother. I've heard a lot about how you treated your brother, Dean. Mostly from dreamy-eyed females." Dean scoffed - that much was true. He knew he had a ridiculous bod. "They all say what a wonderful brother you were, helping him with his homework and basically being his only parent. They say you even took beatings from your mother so he wouldn't have to." Dean had no idea he was so transparent.

Cas sighs. "Dean, I never want to hear those things come out of your mouth ever again."

"I didn't think I was speaking. I'm sorry, I'll be more careful next time."

Cas growls and props himself up on his elbow. "There won't be a next time, Dean. You scared the shit out of me and your friends. You're going to tell me what's going through your head right now."

It's at this moment when Dean realizes just how fucked he is. No one has ever treated him like this. He feels so fucking cared for and cherished, he feels sick. Only because he knows he doesn't deserve it. That's not all - he is developing real feeling for this alpha, who is not only four years his senior, but also his teacher. "I failed as a brother. A real brother would've been there to protect him."

"Dean, you can't expect yourself to have been there every second of every day. That's humanly impossible."

"I should've been less bitchy to him. I should've let him know I loved him. Gods, I just miss him so fucking-" Dean started crying again, holding onto his alpha's crumpled dress shirt for dear life.

Cas holds him through the sobs. "I know Sam was loved." At the sound of his name, Dean sobs harder. "He must've known it, too."

"No, he didn't. I fought with him all the time." Dean lets out a few shaky breaths before continuing. "That morning, he wanted to wear his favorite shirt, but I wouldn't let him, because it was fucking filthy." Dean sniffles. "I wish I had let him. It might've made him a little more happy."

The alpha objects. "Fighting is what brothers do. I know that Sam knew you loved him. Everyone fights once in a while."

"I wish I was dead," Dean moans.

"No. You don't, and I never want to hear you say that ever again." Cas buries his nose in Dean's hairline while Dean lets out a few silent sobs.

"Damn you, Cas." Dean doesn't even know why he should be angry. "Damn you and your stupid logic. Damn you for caring and making me want you."

Dean mumbles that last part, but Cas hears anyway. He kisses the top of Dean's forehead. "Do you know what it's called when two mates find the one their supposed to be with, Dean?"

Dean mumbles, "How do you expect me to remember something like that?"

"It's called Vérité. Loosely translated, it means the truth. Do you know why they call it that, Dean?" Dean shakes his head. "It's named for this feeling you get when you just sort of _know._ You can feel the pull of the other and you know that that is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life."

Dean grunts. That's kinda sweet. And stupid. He voices his thoughts.

Castiel chuckles. "Love is pretty stupid. We just gotta learn to live with it." He smells his omega's hair once again. "I think your my Vérité, Dean."

Dean's eyes shoot open in alarm. He glares at his alpha. "Fucking dick, throwing this at me now. I can't be your anything right now. I just want to be with my brother again. How dare you do this to me."

"Dean, I know this is the worst timing ever, -"

Dean cuts him off. "No fucking kidding. I'm just trying to stay alive right now and you are trying to get in my pants. I can't believe this." He doesn't let Cas talk. "I won't be your stupid variety or whatever, okay? Back off."

Cas catches his arm as Dean gets up to leave. "Please listen. I don't want you to be my anything right now, okay? I know you're going through a lot right now, and I just wanted to let you know that I will be here for you no matter what. Because I think I'm starting to fall in love with you."

Dean wants it to all be okay. He really wants to lay wrapped in these arms forever. He wants the love and all that, and he really wants the comfort. But it's not right. "Go home, Cas. You're already late for work. How are you going to explain this?"

Castiel shrugs. "Sick day?"

Dean scoffs and stands up, off the bed. "I have to g-" Dean stops in his tracks. He could've sworn he just saw something out of the corner of his eye for a split second, but it's gone now. Huh. "I have to go shower."

Castiel watches Dean walk out of his bedroom before grabbing his clothes and leaving as well. Dean will come around.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

Dean got a call around lunch that Friday. "I just wanted to apologize for this morning," said Cas from the voicemail. "I know that was a dick move and I'm really sorry. Please call me back."

Dean didn't call back.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

 _You worthless piece of trash. WHy don't you just die already?_ PLEASE shut up. _You can make me shut up anytime you want.You know how. And it'd be so easy._ I don't want to die. If I die right now, I'll go to hell, and I really don't want to go there. _It's not like you wouldn't deserve it._ Then what do I deserve? Pain? Is that what you want? _I think that's what you deserve._ Fine then.

Dean holds the knife up to his inner wrist. _What are you DOING?_ What? _Cutting yourself there is like screaming for help._ Isn't cutting yourself anywhere a giant scream for help? _Do you want help?_ Yes. _Do you deserve it? ..._

...No

 

**_~~~_ **

 

Benny sounds urgent as hell over the phone. "Please come quickly." He wouldn't tell Cas the specifics, but they had found Dean on the floor almost an hour ago around dinnertime and called the police. There was blood everywhere and Dean didn't look like he was breathing. The nurses won't tell them anything, and Crowley and Benny have been there the whole time. Benny called to beg Castiel to come over as soon as possible.

Cas runs into the hospital room, emotions flaring when he sees his omega on the bed with tubes coming out of him. The nurse was reluctant to let him in, but she just had to understand. Dean is Castiel's mate, he's all Cas wants in the world. And Castiel will not lose him.

"Why are you still here?" Dean asks when he sees Castiel standing in the doorway of his hospital room.

Cas enters, walking towards Dean slowly. "I meant what I said this morning. You are loved, Dean. Your friends found you on the floor. Benny was hysterical when he called me." Dean scoffs and looks away. "Dean, I know what I said this morning was cruel. I should have never said anything. I don't want you to be my anything right now."

Dean looks up at Castiel's face. Cas kneels beside Dean's bedside and takes his hand in his own, kissing Dean's palm. Dean watches, bewildered at Castiel's actions. "I need to remember that, Vérité or not, You are still a kid, and you're going through some real shit right now. I'll stay be your side, Dean, but I don't want anything more from you." Dean's jaw about drops. He really does not deserve this amazing alpha.

"I had sex with my mother." _WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!?_ He needs to know. Dean shuts his eyes tight and waits for Castiel's rage.

He smells rage on Castiel, but it doesn't seem to directed at him. He slowly opens his eyes. In a barely controlled voice, Cas asks, "What?"

Dean bursts into tears, hiding his face in his hands in shame. "I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear, Cas! One minute she's trying to kill me and the next, she's ripped my pants off." Dean sobs, curling in on himself on his bed, the fresh bandages around his waist digging into his flesh, but he doesn't care anymore. "I just wanted it to be over, so I let her do whatever she wanted. I'm so sorry!" _Damn it, Dean! Now no one will want anything to do with you, freak._

Castiel takes a few deep breaths before reaching out and taking Dean's hand in his once again. "This is not your fault, Dean."

"Yes it is," Dean objects between shaky breaths. "I should have made her stop."

Cas looks into Dean's eyes. "That's just what she wants you to think, Dean. I believe you when you say you didn't want it to happen." Cas sits on Dean's bed, watching him carefully while Dean's tear-streaked face ponders his words.

"I..." Dean starts, "I don't know what to think anymore." He starts hyperventilating. "Cas, what do I do? Please tell me what to do."

"I don't know." Castiel surprises even himself with that answer, but it's true. Neither of them are very old or have much experience in these things. _Blind leading the blind,_ Cas thinks. "I don't know what to do, Dean, but I promise you, it will be okay. Your friends love you, and we won't let this change that for a second." Dean reaches for Cas, blinded with tears. Cas puts his arm around his omega and lets him cry into his shoulder.

 

_**~~~** _

 

"Dean is okay. He's resting, now," Castiel explains to Dean's friends.

"What happened?" asks Crowley. "You can't expect us to just take your word for it. We need to see Dean ourselves." Benny nods his agreement.

"I'll call you as soon as he wakes up tomorrow morning. For right now, I need you two to go home and get some sleep."

Benny glares at Cas. "Who are you to order us around? Just because you're a big, scary alpha from a big university doesn't mean you can control us like children."

"And you still haven't answered my question," insists Crowley. "What happened?"

Castiel stands taller, trying to be more intimidating. "I don't know, and I'd rather not push Dean right now. Now GO HOME." Cas uses his alpha voice on that last order, trying to both make the younger ones listen to him and avoid conflict.

Crowley immediately cowers and turns to go, but he is stopped by his friend's hold on his arm. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on, and you can forget the big scary alpha voice, it won't work on me."

Castiel can see that Benny won't budge, and he relaxes a bit. He's with others who care about his omega almost as much as he does. "Something more happened a few days ago. I can't say, it's Dean's choice if he wants to tell you or not. I promise you, he will be okay."

Benny stares at Cas for a few moments before growling, "We'll be back tomorrow morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be a turning point in the fic. Dean decides that he wants Castiel's help and Cas finds out that he is in love with Dean. This is going to bring about some problems in the future.  
> I have a special treat for you Benny/Crowley shippers in the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Crowley have a heart-to-heart and sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can skip this chapter if you want. It's just Crowley and Benny having emotional sex. This is my first smut in a long time, so it's probably horrible. Again, it's three in the morning, so I don't really know how this has turned out.

Crowley is panicking. "Maybe we should've stayed at the hospital," he says. "I don't really trust Cas. What if Dean dies tonight?" Crowley starts hiccupping. "What if we never see him again?" he asks Benny.

Benny looks into his friend's worried eyes. "I know. But I saw something In Castiel's face that made me trust him."

"What? What could possibly make you trust that man?" Crowley was getting hysterical.

"He trusts us, and I know he's in love with Dean." Crowley stops in his tracks. "I know because the way he looks at Dean is like the way I wish I could look at Andrea. It's the exact same look I used to give you."

"Forget it, Benny. We were a horrible couple and I don't want to get back together," Crowley explains. "I like you a lot better as a friend."

"I'm not asking to get back together. I'm stating a fact."

Crowley sighs. "That's not fair. You can't just-" He breaks off when he sees Benny's face. "I can't be with you ever again."

"I'm not asking that," Benny says again.

"Then why are you being like this? Why are you saying these things, making me miss you like this?"

Benny kisses Crowley's cheek. "Because I miss you like hell. Especially tonight." Crowley knows what he means. With everything that's going on, maybe they both need this. He forgets all reason and just gives in, letting himself me kissed and held, looking for any comfort he can get.

Benny starts making bolder moves, kissing Crowley's lips instead of his cheek and pushing his hands into the other's hair. Benny's tongue finds its way into Crowley's mouth, and the beta sighs, giving into his instinct to be dominated. Benny has full control of the situation and he knows it. He guides his partner to his bedroom, where they slowly strip each other out of their clothes. Tonight, it's not about teen lust, but about the closeness of another person.

Benny pushes Crowley onto the bed, crawling on top of him. "What's going to happen," Crowley asks.

"I think you know," Benny growls.

Crowley rolls his eyes. "No, I mean what will happen to our friendship? Are we going to be okay tomorrow? And what about Andrea?"

Benny frowns. "It's not like we're exclusive. And honestly, I'd rather have you. As for our friendship, I like to think that we'd be able to get past this. We did it before." Crowley still looks worried. "Hey, it'll be okay," Benny says, holding Crowley's face in his hand. "We can figure it out tomorrow."

Crowley smiles and agrees - tomorrow sounds like a good plan. He lets Benny retake control, dominating him with his lips. Rolling his hips into Crowley's thigh, Benny takes Crowley's half-hard length into his hand and listens while his beta whispers profanities into his ear. Benny orders the beta to present to him, which he does happily. Although,  like omegas, betas already produce slick, Benny still uses lube so as not to hurt his friend. When the first finger presses against his rim, Crowley squeaks. "Shh, baby," Benny coos as he pushes past the tight ring of muscle. Without letting Crowley get used to the feel of one, Benny presses a second one through before fucking Crowley on his fingers.

Crowley almost screams when he feels the fingers pass over his prostate. After adding another finger and slowly working Crowley open, Benny figures that's probably enough for him to fit without hurting his beta. He doesn't even need the lube - Crowley is producing enough slick by now. Even so, Benny lubes up his own cock before lining himself up. "You ready?" he asks.

"Yes, alpha!" Crowley begs. "Please fuck me!" Benny smiles and pushes in slowly. It takes him a good minute to bottom out. He enjoys the tight warmth as he waits for his beta to get used to the intrusion. "Please fuck me, alpha," Crowley begs in a broken plead. Without waiting a second longer, the alpha begins thrusting at a brutal pace into his ex. Crowley howls when Benny's cock hits that good spot again, sending tremors throughout his body. The room is filled with Benny's grunts, Crowley's moans, and the wet sound of two teens fucking it out as fast as they can.

Crowley comes first. He sprays the sheets and headboard white. His clenching limits the other's movements for a moment, before he finally relaxes and lets his alpha continue with full force. When Benny finally orgasms, he shoots his cum deep into his friend's body. They lay together, panting in the afterglow for a while. Finally, Benny stands and takes off the bed sheets. neither of them really feel like putting on new ones, so Benny just pulls a blanket around them.

"Thank you, alpha." Betas and omegas usually thank their alpha when they fuck, just because it's tradition, but Crowley feels like it's more than that right now. He's thanking Benny for distracting him for a small time.

"Thank you, beta." Tradition doesn't require benny to say anything, but he does it for the same reason. They both needed to escape for a while. Benny falls asleep spooning Crowley, who wouldn't admit it for the world, but he loves being the little spoon. They shut the world out for the night, just letting the other's closeness surround them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know those writers who forget about paragraphs and punctuation as soon as the smut starts. I hope I didn't do that. Please let me know what you think. Comments and kudos keep this fic alive.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2k of angst, fluff, and Castiel masturbating. That's pretty much it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unprofread whatever. enjoy.

"I wanted to kill myself," Dean explains to his alpha the next morning. "Apparently I can't even do that right," he chuckles.

Cas is sitting on Dean's hospital bed with his arms around the omega. Dean sits with his back against Castiel's chest. "I'm glad it didn't work, Dean. You need to stop blaming yourself for this." Dean huffs. "It wasn't your fault, Dean. None of it was."

"Yes, it was. I should've taken better care of him."

Castiel cups Dean's cheek and turns his head a bit so he can look into the omega's green eyes. The left one has finally been able to open, so he can see clearly again. "Dean, I want you to repeat after me. 'It was not my fault.' Can you do that for me?"

Dean scowls. "It _was_ my fault, though." The matter-of-fact way which he says that gives Castiel chills, and not in a good way. "I'm not gonna lie, Cas."

"Dean, you need to stop being so fucking stubborn. THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT." The alpha voice of that last sentence makes Dean gasp. Damn this man. "I need you to tell me this was not your fault." Cas waits a second before adding, "Please?"

The omega inside of Dean wants to surrender to his alpha. It wants to say that none of it was his fault, and he isn't responsible for Sammy's death, or for Jane or really anything, but he knows he must take responsibility for it. "Even if I couldn't save Sammy," (Dean gasps at the sound of his brother's name. If he had any tears left he would be sobbing, but he did that all last night), "I could've stopped Jane. I should've said no or something."

Castiel thinks for a second. "What exactly do you remember of that night?" Dean just shakes his head and buries his face in his alpha's chest. "Dean, she took advantage of your state of mind. Not to mention, having sex with a minor is a federal offence."

"I'm sixteen," Dean groans. "I'm not under fifteen. I can technically consent."

"Did you?" Cas asks, although he already knows the answer.

"No," Dean mumbles, "But I could've tried harder to stop it."

The arms around Dean tighten a bit before Cas speaks. "That means nothing, Dean. If you didn't consent, it's rape." Dean has never thought of it as rape, and the thought scares him. Did his mother... rape him?

"No, Jane wouldn't rape me. she must've thought I wanted it."

Cas growls. "Did you tell her you wanted it, Dean?" Dean is surprised at the anger coming from his alpha. Dean shakes his head. He definitely did not want it. "Dean, she raped you." Cas continues on, almost to himself, "She raped her own child. Fucking sick. She will pay for this."

Before Dean can ask Cas what he meant by that last part, Benny and Crowley come running in. At the sight of his best friend in a hospital bed, Crowley starts shaking and runs to him, enveloping him in a bear hug. "God, Dean, we were so worried."

Benny walks up behind him. "What the hell happened, Dean?" he asks, putting his hand on Crowley's shoulder in an affectionate way that is almost missed by the watchful eyes of Castiel.

Crowley pulls away to let Dean talk. Dean's eyes drop from his friend's faces. How can he explain this. He'd told Castiel what happened already, but it was harder for him to share this with his friends. He had no idea why. Instead of talking, he glances at Cas, silently asking him to do this for him.

"Dean tried to kill himself." Benny looks surprised, but Crowley just stares, waiting for more of an explanation. "He stabbed himself twice in the lower stomach/waist area before passing out from the pain. Neither of them severed a major artery like he was planning, but he lost quite a bit of blood." Cas paused. "I'm sorry, I was never very good at anatomy. You'll have to ask the nurse for more details."

"Castiel said something more happened a while ago," Crowley presses. "He wouldn't say what it was, only that you had to be the one to tell us."

Dean's eyes widen. He turns to Cas, looking hurt. "How could you tell them?" he asks. He never expected his alpha to betray him like this.

Cas has the decency to hang his head a bit in shame. "I'm sorry, Dean, but it was the only way to explain to them-"

"What? That I'm a freak?" Dean cuts him off. "I don't believe this!" Dean pushes Castiel away from him.

"They need to know, Dean," the alpha tries to defend himself. "You need to tell them."

"Why don't you do it then? Just do me a favor and do it away from me, I don't want to see their faces when you tell them about all the horrible things I've done." Cas tries to get a word in, but Dean speaks over him. "Go talk about me behind my back, if you want. I'm just a stupid omega, it's not like I'll do anything about it."

Cas is stunned to silence. He had no idea Dean would react this way, but this is obviously a big deal to him. Crowley speaks before Cas can get his thoughts together. "I agree, it was a pretty bitchy thing for Mr. Collins to do," He glares at Cas for a second before continuing, "but, Dean, we do love you. Whatever it is, you can tell Benny and me."

Dean is shocked by his friend's words. "God, could that _be_ any mushier?" Dean asks.

Crowley laughs a bit. "Yeah, it felt pretty weird to say."

"It's true though," Benny insists, a smile in his eyes. "We just love you SO MUCH!" He and Crowley hugged Dean, laughing as Dean tried to fight them off.

"YOU BOTH SUCK SO MUCH!!!" Castiel leans back and watches as his omega is buried under the crushing hugs from his weird friends. He'll never understand these three. "LET ME GO!" Dean barks.

"Not until you agree to talk," Crowley mumbles. This was a tactic they'd used since they were pups. Whenever one of them didn't want to do something, the other two would be obnoxious bastards until the first one gave in. Low, but it worked.

"Okay! Damn." See what I mean? Flawless. Crowley and Benny smile and sit on the foot of Dean's hospital bed, waiting for him to talk.

"Jane..." he pauses, unsure how to go on. He turns and looks up at Cas, asking him for help.

"No, Dean. You have to do this yourself." Cas places his hand on Dean's back, giving him support.

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before beginning again. "Jane had sex with me. I didn't want it - how could I? Who wants to have sex with their mom?" Dean takes a shuddering gasp before continuing. "She was beating me until I was almost unconscious, and then she just..." Dean trails off. "I just wanted it to be over. I let her do it. Cas says she raped me, but I should've tried harder to stop her. I'm so sorry," he almost whispers. Dean keeps his eyes shut, waiting for a response from his friends.

After a few moments of awkward silence where no one really knows how to handle this, Crowley asks Dean to look at him for a second. Dean opens his eyes to find his friend leaning so his face is inches away from the omegas. He looks like he's about to tell him something really important. "I didn't really have sex with your mother."

Dean starts giggling, and then laughing out loud for the first time in what felt like forever. Benny joins in after a second, saying, "I think we knew, brother."

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to help people...." Crowley mumbles, embarrassed, but laughing anyway.

"So..." Dean asks his friends after they calm down a bit.

Benny smiles reassuringly. "I know you didn't want it, Dean. I agree with Cas, this was Jane's fault."

"That bitch is going down," Crowley growls. "No one hurts Dean Winchester without having to answer to me." His words are so comical because Crowley's beta instincts and personality don't match them one bit. Although Crowley can be a manipulative little shit, he's never turned violent. Crowley once had to ask Benny to kill a spider for him. ("What?" he'd asked. "Those things are fugly as hell.") Dean and his friends have weird ways of comforting each other; Crowley will try to make you laugh, Benny will say exactly what's on his mind, and Dean will just avoid the problem completely. For some reason, they all seem to work.

"See, Dean?" Castiel asks, stealing his omega's attention. "Your friends understand."

Dean turns and glares at his alpha. "I'm still pissed as hell at you. How could you tell them without even asking me?"

Cas drops his gaze. "I'm sorry. I honestly wasn't thinking before I spoke."

"Yeah, you seem to do that a lot."

Cas knows his omega is right. He needs to work on that. "Dean, I'm sorry. I know you're angry, and you have every right to be. I was an asshole."

"Damn right," Benny says.

"Shut up, he's talking," Crowley whispers loudly at his friend.

Dean laughs. His friends are morons. "I know, Cas. I guess your forgiven, but you need to start thinking before you talk." Cas smirks before making a painfully obvious pouting face and holding out his hands in a 'hug?' look. Dean chuckles and lets himself be bear hugged by his ridiculous, idiot alpha.

 

_**~~~** _

 

Dean is released from the hospital a few days later, with the order to take it slow. He's cleared to got to school and work, he just can't do anything fun like drive or have sex. The nurses bought the story that Dean was being an idiot and walked into a kitchen knife his mother left on the counter. His friends agreed with his omega that him trying to kill himself would cause trouble for everyone involved. Cas was reluctant about lying to the doctors at first, but agreed that, since he wasn't there, he didn't _know_ what happened and therefore couldn't really say anything.

Castiel drives Dean to Crowley and Benny's that afternoon. He gives Dean a goodbye kiss on the corner of his mouth before making him promise to call later. Dean smiles and assures him he will before watching him drive off.

"Cas totally had a boner," Crowley whispers to Benny from where they're watching the scene play out through the curtains.

"That could've been totally innocent," argues Benny.

Crowley scoffs. "They're totally fucking." Benny slaps his friend on the back of the head to get him to stfu before Dean comes in. They watch in silence as Dean walks to his room, not even sparing them a glance. Once he shuts the door, Crowley whispers one again, "Totally fucking."

 

**_~~~_ **

 

Castiel lays down for the night, mulling the week over. He'd done some research over rape cases in the past that were won and is in the middle of putting together a binder of evidence they could use against Jane. He'd need a good lawyer and Dean's consent, of course, but Cas really feels as though he could win this case.

"Dean," he whispers. Just the thought of his beautiful omega makes him smile. He loves Dean, no matter how long they'd known each other.

Cas looks around his room, although he already knows there's no one to see. The thoughts that are going through his mind are definitely not PG, and Cas knows what's coming. (Ha ha do u see my pun I so funny) He reaches his hand down, letting it trail over his lower stomach. He can feel the goosebumps form and his half-hard penis begin to get harder. He thinks of what it would feel like to touch Dean where he so wants to touch himself at the moment.

Cas thinks of trailing his hands over Dean's abdomen and watching him shiver. He thinks of kissing and licking his way up Dean's torso, paying extra attention to the scars he got a peak of earlier that day, when the nurses changed Dean's bandages. He thinks of mouthing over Dean's pink nipples, flicking his tongue over them and listening to his omega whisper unholy, dirty things back to him. Cas thinks of all these things while touching his own toned chest, flicking fingers over his own nipples and dragging his nails over his torso, palming his dick through his sweats with his other hand.

Cas had just pushed his right hand into his pants and grasped his cock when the phone rings. He glances at the caller ID, fully planning on ignoring it and getting back to what he was doing until he notices Dean's name on the screen. "Fuck," He moans, letting go of himself and answers the call.

"Dean?" he pants, hardly keeping his voice under control. "Are you okay?"

"Why are you out of breath?" Dean asks from the other end of the line.

Cas blushes, happy that Dean can't see him right now. He's pretty sure he's sweating. "No reason."

He can hear Dean's smile. "You were totally jerking off, weren't you?" Cas growls. "Well? Were you thinking of me?"

"No, and I wasn't masturbating at all, so you can shut up." Dean laughs at that. Cas sighs, "What's going on, Dean?"

Dean's voice goes up, feigning innocence. "Well, professor, I just wanted to know what were doing in History class tomorrow." He laughs at his own stupidity."You made me promise to call you, Cas. Remember?"

Cas remembers now. "Yeah. How are you, Dean?" His heart rate has finally slowed to a somewhat normal pace, but his erection is begging for attention, especially since he can hear his omega's voice.

"Bored. I can't drink and I can't drive around. There's nothing to do." He sighs through the phone before saying, "You'd be a fucking sexy roman soldier. Trojan warrior."

Cas facepalms. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well, Halloween is tomorrow. Who are you dressing as this year?"

"I'm not dressing up, Dean, I'm the teacher. Aren't you too old for trick-or-treating, anyway?"

"So? There's still parties and other stupid shit I can do."

Cas frowns. "Are you going to a party?" He doesn't like the idea of his omega out partying in his current condition.

"Naw, it'd be too boring without beer or sex," he moans at the phone. "Everything I love has been banned."

Cas listens to Dean ramble on for another twenty minutes before making him hang up and promise to go to bed soon. "It's not like there's anything else to do," Dean moaned before hanging up. Cas sighs and lays back down. He begins touching himself again, getting their faster this time and coming all over his hand and stomach. he wipes himself off with a tissue before finally drifting off with the thought of Dean. Little did he know that the omega was only a few miles away, thinking about him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but what do yall think of american civil war outfits and uniform kink?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets his heat, Cas gets his rut, and Crowley just gets feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of switching between past and present tense, so I'm just going through and fixing it. It's two-thirty in the fucking morning. Let's do this shit.  
> Also, this is the first real Dean/Cas smut I've written in months, so don't expect it to be any good.

Dean never had a thing for 1800s soldiers, but no one could possibly resist this. It's just too fucking  _delicious_.

Most of the teachers dressed up for halloween this year. Mr. Mackey, the school counselor, dressed as Chewbacca. He always wears that hideous mask on Halloween. It's pretty much tradition. Mrs. Crabtree dressed up (by that I mean she actually gave a fuck about her appearance - brushing her rats nest of hair and wearing clean clothes), which happens almost never, and Mr. Garrison dressed his puppet, Mr. Hat, like a sailor. Apparently Mr. Hat swears like one. No one has questioned Mr. Garrison's sanity yet, surprisingly.

Dean is having fun with the whole Halloween vibe when he walks into History class and is fucking FLOORED. Castiel is dressed in a full on 1800s Civil War Union soldier outfit. Who knew buttons could be so sexy? And that navy blue... Holy shit.

Dean only realizes where he is when a classmate bumps into him. "You might want to take a picture. That's not a view you'll get everyday."

Dean looks at his... he wouldn't consider Charlie a friend, but she's close to one. "I thought you weren't into that sort of thing," Dean teases.

"Just because I'm gay as fuck doesn't mean I can't appreciate a good view." Charlie moans. "I wonder if he'll tell me where he got that outfit. Me and Dorothy need something to spice up the bedroom."

"Dude. I did not need to know that," Dean groans. Charlie laughs at his discomfort as they make their way to their seats in the back of the classroom.

The jacket would've been enough to get Dean going, but Cas is wearing the whole nine - the boots, the belt (that shows off his fine ass), and his white gloved hands that he rests on the hilt of his sword (and that sentence will definitely be used later). Damn, this alpha is getting hard to resist.

Dean's classmates notice this as well, Dean can hear them whispering about his alpha and it's pissing him off.

"Damn, I would ride that face until morning."

"Bitch, no you wouldn't. He's way outta your league."

"Ho, virgins don't get to talk."

Dean listens to the chatter of the two girls' chittering most of the period. This is why he sometimes hates girls, they don't care who can hear their personal conversations. Today, they seem to be talking a lot about their teacher. Don't they know he's taken?

"I hear he's gay," Dean whispers loudly to Charlie, who snickers, knowing exactly what he was doing.

"Really? I had no idea."

"Yeah, he doesn't even like girls," Dean replies. The girls had stopped their bitching by now and are obviously listening intently.

Charlie is trying hard not to laugh, but there are tears in her eyes. "How can you tell?"

"I overheard Mr. Garrison and Principal Victoria talking about it. You know how homophobic Mr. Garrison is."

"I'll bet he's gay as well. Do you think they're having gay sex after school?" Charlie is taking this a little far. Dean doesn't like the mental image she's putting in his head.

"Ew. Mr. garrison naked is a picture I never wanted to think about. Thanks a lot."

Charlie laughs out loud then, her big mistake. "What is so funny, Miss Bradbury?" Cas asks while walking over, and Dean can feel the eyes of the class shift to them.

Dean is honestly having a fucking aneurism. Castiel looks like a fucking angel walking towards them. The light of the projector behind him and that damn outfit... He looks like a pure sexual fantasy come true. Dean blushes under the weight of his eyes as he comes ever closer. He blushes even harder when Charlie replies with, "Mr. Garrison naked. Isn't that a horrible image, professor?" The class cracks up in the background as Cas is stunned into silence.

"I'm sure his boyfriend doesn't mind," Cas finally remarks before walking back to the front of the classroom again. The class is still wrapping their heads around the fact that Castiel just outed Mr. Garrison when he says, "If you disrupt my class again, miss Bradbury, I will have to send you to the office."

The rest of the class goes by without a hitch, until the last bell of the day rings. "Remember to finish that by Friday. Have a great day," Cas calls after his class as they race out the door to freedom.

"Where the fuck is my phone?" asks one of the girls who was talking earlier.

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Help me! I need to catch the bus!"

Dean has to wait for the two annoyances to leave before he can talk to Cas. He busies himself by searching through his backpack, looking for nothing until the bigger, white chick yells, "Found it!" and takes her friend's arm, walking out.

Her darker friend growls at her, "Why on earth do you still have that piece of trash? The screen is so cracked, you can't even see shit."

Dean waits until he can't hear them anymore before turning and walking up to his teacher's desk. "I thought teachers didn't dress up."

"I can do what I want, Dean. I'm an adult," explains Cas without looking up from the tests he's grading. "And they were all out of Roman soldiers," he adds with a smirk.

Dean moans softly at the tone of his alpha's voice. "Maybe you can dress like a priest next year."

Castiel's voice drops an octave. "Maybe I will." He stands up tall and looks at his blushing omega. "If I do, will you confess your sins to me?"

"Will you make me say Our Fathers?" Dean smirks.

"I might make you scream it." Dean gasps and his eyes open wide at the insinuation. Cas blinks a few times before saying, "I think I just crossed a line."

"Yeah. I mean, no, it's okay, I just wasn't expecting it."

Cas smiles evilly. "The things I would do to you if you were older." His voice is low, almost a whisper, and he leans closer to Dean's face, cupping his cheek with a gloved hand.

Dean licks his lips. "Yeah?" The image of Castiel fucking him into the bed in that uniform, eyes closed in concentration and mouth open in pleasure, flashes through his head.

"I would make you beg. I'll bet you're a great beggar. I bet I can make you cry." Dean gasps as his conversation with Luke comes back to him. _He's a total Dom in bed because we never let him have any control in any other area of his life._ "If only you were older," the alpha sighs.

"How would you make me cry?" Dean asks.

"You're too young," Cas teases.

Dean's cock is certainly interested and he needs more. "Please tell me, alpha," he begs.

"Look at you, already half desperate. And you haven't even seen anything yet." The alpha grabs Dean's face and leans down, pressing his lips to his omega's. Dean's sigh into his mouth makes Castiel almost crazy, and he deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into the younger one's mouth and twisting his fingers into his dirty-blonde hair. Dean happily lets Cas take what he wants, dropping his backpack on the floor in favor of placing his hands on his alpha's forearms. The feel of stubble against his face is driving him half insane. Cas is strong and focused, while Dean is desperate and submissive. The duo is almost a cliché. They don't break apart until Dean can feel something hard pressing against his leg. He's pretty sure he knows what it is.

Cas pulls back first, licking his kiss-swollen lips and breathing in with his nose. His eyes open suddenly and he sniffs the air. "Dean, I think there's something wrong," he says. Dean's eyes are still closed, relishing the lust and taste of Castiel in his mouth. He wouldn't have been able to utter a word right not if he tried, he felt so _good._  How could anything be wrong right now? He takes a deep breath and smells it - _Heat._

Dean looks up to his alpha. "Alpha? What's wrong?"

Crowley decides to walk in at that moment. He stops in his tracks, smelling the air and looking from a confused, crazy-haired Dean to their teacher, who was trying to hide a painfully obvious erection. "Fergus, please take Mr. Winchester home. He isn't feeling well."

"I'm not supposed to... I have a week or so left, I thought. What?" Dean looks obviously distressed. Castiel ignores him, packing his things. Crowley and Dean watch as their teacher walks from the room.

"Dean, are you okay?" Crowley comes rushing over to him.

Dean looks at his beta friend's face. "Why didn't he want me?" The obvious pain in Dean's face is hurting his friend to see.

Crowley understands Castiel's actions - when a beta or omega is in heat, they have almost no control over their own bodies and lust. They emit a smell that makes most alphas go insane. Cas wanted Dean away from him because he had no idea what he might do if he stayed. Crowley know from experience that there's no way to explain this to Dean right now. All he sees is an alpha that doesn't want him, and he won't be able to see the logic in it while these hormones are controlling him, so Crowley just holds his hand out to him. "Come with me. Let's go home."

 

_**~~~** _

 

Castiel gets his rut the next morning, which is weird because he just had his a month ago. Sometimes, an omega or a beta's heat will trigger an alpha's rut, but that only happens when they're mated. Cas has no idea why he would have his rut _now_. Luckily, his boss is very understanding. She's been mated for 12 years, so Cas guesses she knows what this is like.

So this is day two of his rut, when Dean decides to call. Cas is sitting on the floor by the foot of his bed, naked and sick from the smell of his own sweat and dried cum all around his room. He's been keeping a list of things he's ejaculated on, and it's getting depressingly long. His ruts are not usually like this - he can usually live with just his hand and some lube - but this time he's had to break out his toys. He only has a few, he sold most when he moved to Laurence, but he kept his favorites. Today he's used the vibrating fleshlight twice and it still left him wanting more.

Of course, Castiel knows what he wants, but he can't have it. Not yet. Dean has gone through too much and he's not in a good mental place right now. Not to mention, he's a student. That doesn't stop Cas from coming with the omega's name on his lips.

Castiel stares at his leaking erection, willing it to go down, but to no avail. He teases his fingers over the head, spreading his precum all over both his dick and his hand. His cock and balls hurt from overuse and he just wants a fucking break, but he  _needs_ to cum. Right now.

Cas takes his cock in his hand, ignoring his sore nerves' protests. He begins by slowly stroking his length with the palm if his hand. Jacking off like a maniac wasn't enough, which Cas found out early on, so he decided to take a friend's advise and take it slow. He teases the head of his dick with his forefinger for a while, before moving his hand down and rolling his balls with one hand while pinching and pulling at his sensitive nipples with the other.

His eyes fall closed when the urge to touch becomes strong and he forces himself to stop, sitting on his hands so he can't use them. The cool air on his hard penis is almost too much for the poor alpha, and he starts twitching his hips, looking for any friction at all. He's about to give up and fuck his pillow in a moment when his phone goes off. Dean. Of course it's Dean.

"Why do you always call me when I'm touching myself?" Castiel growls when he answers his phone.

He can hear Dean gasp on the other end of the line. "Alpha," he pleads, "Pease fuck me!"

Cas lets out a long moan, holding the phone with his left hand and grabbing the base of his cock with his right so he doesn't shoot off at those words alone. "How can I, Dean, I'm all the way over here."

"Please," Dean moans. "I'm so horny."

Cas chuckles tiredly. "If you were here right now, Dean, I would plow you into my front door. I'd fuck you into next week, taking any shred of innocence you have left." He can hear Dean moving from the phone. "What are you doing right now?" he asks.

"I'm kneeling and presenting to my wall. Cas, I need you."

"If I told you to do something for me, would you do it?"

"Anything, alpha, anything."

Castiel moans at the pleading tone, the mostly broken words. "I need you to stop touching yourself for a moment." He can hear Dean still, his broken breaths and high-pitched whines. "How wet are you, Dean?"

"I could probably drown a full-grown man." Cas scoffs. Good.

"Okay, I need you to open yourself up. Fuck yourself on your fingers, Dean." He listens to the movement and Dean's grunts.

"I can't twist like that very well, Cas. My wrist feels like it's about to snap off."

"Which way are you reaching? Around your front or back?"

"My front. Why, is the back easier?" Dean asks.

"Probably in your position," Cas advises. He can hear more shifting and imagines Dean on all fours, back dipped and fingers in his own ass. He almost drools.

Dean finally talks. "You're right, this is easier."

"How does it feel, Dean?"

Dean almost cries. "So good, Cas. I want your cock. I want it so bad, please." He starts openly sobbing now. Cas can hear the squelch of Dean's fingers in his own ass and starts stroking himself again.

"Imagine it's my cock inside of you. My cock filling you up, thrusting into you." Dean lets out a shaky sob. "My balls fucking hurt, Dean. They fucking hurt, can you believe that? I'm so sore and all I want is you. Your heat all around me. I want to thrust into you, bite my teeth into your shoulder and breed you up good."

Castiel can tell when Dean finds his prostate from his screams. "OH, YES, ALPHA! BREED ME UP REAL GOOD. FIND YOUR PLEASURE INSIDE OF ME, ALPHA, PLEASE!"

Cas is very close now. He can feel his balls tightening and he gets ready. "You want my semen?"

"I want you, Cas. Cum in my ass, cum in my mouth, on my face. I'll do anything, Alpha! Please!"

Cas finally orgasms at the sound of Dean's desperate screams, hand flying over his dick. "Yes, Omega! omyGODYES! OH FUCKING HELL, DEAN FUCK, FUCK!!!"

He can hear Dean's slowing huffs over the phone while he finally comes down. "Did you come, Dean?" he moans in an orgasmic haze.

"Yes, alpha," he moans. "I came without touching my prick whatsoever. Oh my GOD, Cas. that was the _absolute best_..."

Cas cuts him off. "Dean, who is in the house with you?" he asks, worried.

"Only Crowley. He sent Benny away for a bit, afraid of what my pheromones might do to him." He pauses. "Why?"

"I was worried about your alpha friend. That's all."

"Oh." Cas can hear the disappointment in his voice.

"I wish I could come over, Dean, but I don't want to hurt you."

"I understand." Dean still sounds sad.

"I love you, Dean."

"Love you, too, Castiel."

Cas smiles. His omega loves him. For the first time since his rut started, He feels satisfied. "I'll see you next week. In the meantime, if you ever feel...," he blushes, "... if you ever need me, feel free to call."

"Oh, I will. This isn't the last you'll be hearing from me, alpha," Dean warns.

 

_**~~~** _

 

Crowley sometimes hates his friends. Dean is having sexual relations over the phone in the next room with his sexy teacher while the only person Crowley wants is miles away in some ho's bed. Who even is this Andrea chick? Crowley knows Benny's half in love with the whore, but Crowley has only seen her from afar. Who is she and why is she better than him?

He knows he's being unreasonable. Crowley was perfectly okay with Andrea and Benny a week ago, but that was before. Then Benny just had to go and say all that shit about how he loved him and how he would never love Andrea like that and Crowley just... died a bit. He knows he told Benny not to worry about it. They were still friends, one stupid night wasn't going to change that. Crowley also knows that was a lie. Of course he tries to forget about it and stay friends with the alpha, but being friends with his ex is hard enough. Now he has to be friends with his ex who he has feelings for while said ex is off fucking some whore who doesn't deserve him.

So Crowley sits on his bed in the dark, crying from all these emotions and tuning out the sex noises coming from next door with headphones and his favorite sad playlists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I have a HUGE soldier kink (mostly roman trojans and civil war and daleks). So kudos if you agree that Castiel's outfit should be used later on for... other things.  
> I know that sex part was trash, but I've never written dirty talk porn or phone sex before. It was hotter in my head.  
> Please let me know what yall think. This fic is my baby and your input would mean a hell of a lot to me. Thanks for wasting your time with me!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst, sex, and more angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about my... siesta from posting. I had a bit of a breakdown again, and I've been pretty busy lately (hehe bus-y. Bus ee. Get it?). So this chapter is the shortest piece of trashy smut ever written.  
> I'd like to thank you who left kudos and comments. Your support means more to me than you know.  
> It's five aaaaam and I'm drunk. Unprofread, etc.  
> Bllying trigger in this chapter. Also orgasm denial and phone sex. It kinda goes from one extreme to the next. I get weirdly honest when I'm drunk, fyi. You've been warned.

Snapchat is a very interesting app. It lets you stalk your friends, communicate instantly with them, and share information in a split second. A personal favorite feature of mine is the Stories. You can share shit with everybody in an unbelievably simple way. This is the way Crowley found out about Benny and Andrea.

Crowley is sitting on his couch, flipping through his friends' stories when he sees it; the picture of Benny and Andrea with the caption, "Engaged!"  They're standing together in front of Benny's truck with huge smiles on their faces. It takes Crowley a full minute to process the word written in bold in front of his face. Engaged. Before he knows what he's doing, Crowley is flipping through his contacts and tapping on his friend's name.

The southern drawl that responds to his call reminds Crowley of his feelings that were currently so mixed up he couldn't even tell what they were. "Hey, brother."

"What do you mean, 'engaged'?"

"Oh, you saw my Story."

"Hell yes. You are engaged to do what?"

A pause. "I'm engaged to be mated."

"To who?"

"To who?" Benny seemed more confused than Crowley. "To Andrea, who else?"

Crowley put his hand on his forehead, feeling dizzy. "Okay...."

"What's going on, Crowley?"

Crowley feels a flash of anger. "'What's going on?' The thing that's going on is you are my best friend. You came to me in a time of need and I offered you assistance. You stayed in my apartment, ate my food, _slept in my bed_ , and now...." Crowley doesn't even know where he's going with this anymore. "Now you're off to be mated to some whore!"

"What?!" Crowley can hear the fury in his alpha's ( _his_ alpha's) voice and he's satisfied that he caused that anger. "Andrea is not a whore."

"Yes she is. She's just a dirty whore and you can't even see it, because you're too blinded by her stretched-out pussy! I'll bet she'd open her legs for anyone."

Benny takes a deep breath. "You don't know what you're saying."

"You ungrateful bastard. How dare you!"

"You aren't making any sense, Crowley. How is my getting engaged have anything to do with you? I think you need some time to adjust."

"I don't need time, you sick bastard! How could you do this to me? I thought we had something..."

"Have you been drinking again?"

Crowley glances at his empty glass. "Maybe a little. What does it matter?"

"Call me back when you've sobered up." Benny hangs up with a growl. Crowley throws his phone across the room and sobs into his hands.

 _What was the point of that,_ he wonders to himself. _Why did I even call him in the first place?_ Crowley knew Benny had been in love with him at one point, he just thought they had... fallen... _out_ of love or something. Then, a week or so ago, the thing happened and he began to think that maybe.... _How foolish of me_ , he thinks to himself.

But Benny had said he loved Crowley. He said he wanted to, but just couldn't love Andrea like he could Crowley. He'd said he would rather be with Crowley than anyone. Now, this is happening and it simply doesn't make sense. How could Benny do this to him? They were supposed to get back together, mate, have pups, and forget all about this Andrea bitch. Crowley had given up on that dream long ago, but then Benny went and said all those wonderful things and made him believe again. And fuck him for it.

 _That should've been me,_ Crowley thinks to himself over his glass of hard liqueur. _I should be the one standing in front of that truck._ He remembers not that long ago, when he was the one inside that same truck bed. He was the one riding his alpha, gripping the red-painted sides and breathing in the summer night air.

Crowley pours himself another glass and sobs himself to sleep that night.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

"Dean, I need you to hold on a little longer."

"Cas, I can't. I need your knot. Please, Cas," Dean sobs. He'd needed to cum for over an hour, but Cas simply wasn't letting that happen. "Please!"

For the last hour, Cas had made Dean edge himself and hold it. This is hopefully the last day of his heat, but it's still horrible. The sound of Castiel's voice over the phone simply isn't enough anymore. Dean needs more. He needs to see his alpha.

Dean is kneeling on the floor, naked ass in the air and face pressed to the carpet of his room. "Cas, I need you," he pleads as his voice breaks.

"I know, Dean. I just need you to hold on for a little longer." Dean pushes his hands under his knees so he doesn't have to resist the urge to touch himself. It's so hard to be obedient, but he will do it for his alpha.

"Please, Cas."

"Dean, tell me how it feels."

Dean's cock twitches again and he shifts, shivering at the friction between his dick and his stomach. "It fells like heaven and hell at the same time. It feels like my veins are on fire and I'm having trouble controlling my body."

"Mmm. What do you want, Dean? Tell me one more time."

Dean sobs again. He'd been saying this over and over since he first called Cas. "I want your dick. I want your alpha knot keeping you deep inside of me. I want you to breed me up with your pups. Please, alpha."

"Stop moving." Dean hadn't even noticed he'd been fidgeting and stops right away at the obvious command. After a moment Cas tells Dean to continue touching himself again. Dean grabs his erection with his right hand while fingering himself with his left, like he'd been doing before Cas told him to stop and wait before. "I can't wait to finally be able to touch you, Dean. I want to wrap my lips around your prick and suck you off. Or maybe I'll eat your ass. I'm sure you'd like that, Dean. Would you like me to push my tongue inside of your anus and lick you clean?"

Dean is way too close when Castiel tells him to stop again. "No, I can't. Cas, please don't make me wait again," he pleads, even though his hands are already receding from his skin.

"I don't want you to touch yourself right now. I want you to listen." Dean swallows and waits for further instructions. "You can come if you want, but you are not allowed to touch your cock or balls. Deal?"

Dean thinks about this for a minute. His balls are hurting and his cock is red and angry, but Cas seems to have a plan. "Can I touch myself in... other places?" he asks.

"Of course, Dean. I want you to keep yourself busy with your nipples and your ass, but that's it. You will also tell me when you are about to orgasm."

"Okay," Dean says eagerly.

There's some movement on the other end of the line. "I'm touching my dick now. Wow, that's warm. I wish It was your mouth and not my hand on my skin right now, but I'll take what I can get." Dean starts tugging at his nipples again. He can't get his fingers in his ass far enough to find his prostate, but it still feels nice being stretched out around something. He plays with his slick, flitting his fingers around the rim of his anus as he listens closely to Castiel's words.

"I'm so close, Dean. I just want to pound my dick into your ass and sink my teeth into your shoulder. Oh, how I want to breed you up nice and good, make you mine once and for all. I want to push you to the edge and hold you there until your desperate. Are you desperate, Dean?"

"Yes, alpha," Dean breathes.

"Did I give you permission to talk, Dean?" Dean shuts up. "That's better." His commanding voice sends tremors of arousal through Dean and he lets out a sharp breath. "Oh, I'm close. Dean. I want to come on your face. Would you let me do that?" He can hear his alpha's breathing speed up and he moans into the floor.

"Cas, I'm there."

"Come for me, Dean." Dean can't hear the rest of his words as he orgasms, ropes of cum shooting out of him, painting his floor and chest white. This is probably the most powerful orgasm he's had in his life (so far), and he may have just fallen a but more in love with his alpha (Or, at least, his alpha's voice and his power over Dean). He finally falls to his side and listens to the delicious sounds of Castiel orgasming over the phone.

"Thank you, Cas," Dean manages to moan after a few moments.

"Thank you, Dean."

"Why would you thank me?" Dean sighs, satisfied for once this week. Maybe his heat is finally over.

"Because you're so good." Dean blushes at his alpha's voice. "You really can beg, can't you?"

 

_**~~~** _

 

It's a week after Dean finished his heat and Crowley had his little argument with Benny. Dean is sitting with Castiel on the couch in Cas's apartment. They've been meeting like this ever since Dean's heat ended. They never have sex, only hang out together. Castiel had invited Dean over for dinner the day after they last phone-fucked and it just sort of spiraled from there.

Jerry Springer had just ended when it happened. Castiel was telling Dean about his child hood when he mentioned that he'd been bullied as a child. "They used to wait outside the school for me and my friend, Garth. I think they were in sixth grade at the time, and we were only in third. I finally told my mother what was going on in fourth grade, after almost a year."

Before they'd gotten on the subject of elementary school, Castiel had been sitting with Dean's back against his chest with his arm around the omega and his hand moving in circles over Dean's shoulder. Now, they're in the same position except Castiel's hand isn't moving in that soothing pattern anymore. It is less relaxed and the circles are choppy. The muscles in his chest and stomach are more tense as well. Dean notices none of these things, however. He's more concerned with the words coming out of his alpha's mouth.

"Yeah, I think we all had some bullying problems in grade school," Dean mumbles nervously. He tries changing the way this conversation is going. "I'll bet you could've taken them down in an instant if you wanted to, though, right?"

"Dean?"

"Yes?" Dean looks up at his alpha nervously.

Cas smiles down at his omega. "I could've kicked their _asses._ " Dean laughs in relief until Cas asks, "What was your 'bullying problems'?"

"I-I-- " Dean stutters. "I wasn't really bullied much in school. I guess they knew not to mess with me." He chuckles.

Cas frowns. "I thought you said you had problems with this, too."

"I guess I just meant... I've seen a lot of shit go down because of bullying. We all have a story to tell, right?" Dean fidgets.

Cas cups Dean's face in his hand. "What's wrong, Dean?"

Dean looks away quickly. _Castiel must never know, he'll hate me,_ Dean thinks. _Maybe he should know. You never deserved him in the first place. Maybe he'll finally see the real you and leave you once and for all._

_He deserves better._

"I wasn't the bullied kid, Cas." He stands up and grabs his coat that had been casually thrown across a chair. "I wasn't the victim." He waits for a response while fiddling with his jacket collar, not daring to look up for fear of what he might see in his alpha's face.

After a moment, Castiel finally talks. "You were a grade school bully," he scoffs. "Of course you were."

"If you want to kick me out because of this, you can."

"I don't want to kick you out, Dean." Dean looks up in shock. "I'm kinda pissed, sure, but not at you, Dean."

Dean thinks this over. "I'm confused. Who are you mad at?"

Cas stand up and looks down at Dean. The six-inch height difference between the alpha and his omega makes Dean want to shrivel up, especially with that disapproving look on Castiel's face. "I'm mad at whoever made you feel like you had to hurt others at such an early age."

"I wish I could take it all back now, Cas. If I could I would go back in time and kick my own ass for it."

Cas stops Dean's words, "No. Please don't say that, Dean." Dean shuts tf up and looks up into his alpha's eyes. "I think you were hurt very bad as a child, and you wanted to get back at the world. You had to get your anger out somehow." He pulls Dean back down on the couch with him. "What happened?"

Dean is surprised and honored by the amount of love and understanding in his alpha's eyes. He suddenly feels the weight of those blue, blue eyes and he breaks down, opening himself up. "I was in eight grade at the time, and he was a seventh grader. Sure, I pushed a lot of kids around, but this one was my favorite.

"Me and my friends would say loads of horrible shit to this kid. We'd wait until breaks in the day or lunch to find him, sometimes we'd shove him around or push him into the walls. Mostly, we'd talk to him, though. I spread rumors that he was gay and was having relations with one of my friends. Gods, I actually used one of my friends! We were all 'devout Christians', and homosexuals were 'wrong and unnatural', so this was truly scandalous." Castiel flinches at the way Dean spits out the words "devout Christians" and "wrong and unnatural". "We'd- _I'd-_ talk about how I had seen them making out in the kitchens and how fucked up the whole thing was.

"We would call him trash and say how he would never be loved by anyone other that his Grandmother. We constantly were playing tricks on him. We even got him crush to ask him out once, as a joke. I was the worst of all his tormentors. I would pretend to be his friend sometimes. Then, once I felt he'd grown less suspicious of me, I'd say something horrible and break his spirit down a bit more.

"One day, we pushed him too far and he tried to take his own life. His parents weren't around anymore, I never bothered to find out what happened to them, so his grandmother took care of him. She stopped him just in time and took him to a mental hospital, where he stayed for two weeks. The whole thing was too much for the old woman and she had her second heart attack. As far as I know, they're both still alive. After I graduated eighth grade, he moved away and I never heard anything of him since."

Dean finishes his story with a shuddering sigh. "I was a horrible person and I almost got two innocent people killed, Cas." Castiel had been silent for the entire story, but he'd wrapped his arm around his omega around the time Dean was telling him about the rumors. "Well," Dean asks after a moment.

"I'll admit, that's a horrible thing to do, but I still don't blame you."

Dean looks up in shock and anger. "What? Why," he demands.

Cas smiles in a tired way. "I've forgiven my tormentors. I forgave them long ago, because it wasn't their fault." Dean still looks slightly horrified. "Look at it this way; you had just lost your mother, your second mother was beating the shit out of you every other weekend, and you were only ten. Three years later, you're going through puberty, your hormones are probably crazy, you're an omega in a mainly alpha-run society, and you know firsthand the horrible things that can happen to the weak in this world. You see these big, strong schoolage pups that aren't ever being called weak, of course you'll try to protect yourself like they are, that's part of your instincts. Protect yourself by becoming a strong, scary bully."

Dean considers Castiel's words for a moment or so. "Damn it, why does that make sense?" Cas chuckles.

"I love you, Dean. I don't love some of the shit you've done, but I still love you." Dean falls into his alpha's arms again and sighs shakily. After a moment, Castiel asks, "What was his name?"

Dean shivers. "I don't want to say it."

Cas pulls Dean's chin up so he can look him in the eye. "Please, Dean, what was his name?"

Dean looks into his alpha's eyes for a moment before mumbling, "Jordan."

Cas smiles, looking relieved. "Now you can stop referring to him as 'the kid.'"

"I'm sorry." Dean's eyes drop. "I'm so sorry. I know it's far too late to apologize, but I'm so sorry. I honestly doubt apologies would do any good, now."

"Apologies always help. And it means a lot to me that you talked to me about this. It's like the apology I never got." Dean smiles at Castiel.

"Thanks, Cas." He doesn't feel like it's all okay now, but he feels almost like he might be starting to make up fore some of the shit he's done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I added some content now. I don't agree with Castiel - he says people want to be safe and get back at the world. Some people just like having power over others. That's not important to the story, just my little rant. I'm done now.  
> I'm so sorry, Jordan.


End file.
